can't stop eating

random pictures

posted by Jos @ 9:07 AM 0 comments

COFFEE PRINCE

I just read my horoscope for the day and i think it's kind of true.
here's what it says:

posted by Jos @ 7:29 AM 0 comments

COMPARISONS

Sometimes, people just don't understand how you feel. about yourself, about what people think about you and about how you portray yourself to others. even the closest people [my family] don't understand what I'm suffering through with all the comparisons in school.

it just makes me feel so demoralized sometimes. like I'm always the ugly duckling and my siblings are the cream of the crop, the beautiful swans and princesses.

so what if i have a dull, boring, fierce and unfriendly look. so what if i'm boyish, unglam or whatever you can name it. i'm just who i am and stop comparing me with my sis! don't you know that your words hurts the person who is listening to it. it's making me feel so bad about myself that sometimes i just don't want to talk to anyone or even don't feel like going to school to avoid them.

does it make you happy to see me not being confident? does it make you happy to make me feel upset over how i look? if it is, then you have fulfilled your goal in making me feel all the bads about myself.

maybe i'm just being oversensitive about people's comments on me. maybe i look too much into the way people think or see me. maybe i can't take the words of others lightly. i always have to think about the bad side of what they are trying to say. but it does hurt when comments like "looks like all the good genes have gone into your sister and not you", "you know your sis have this perk up look and you've got this boring sian sian look", and "your sister is prettier than you". All these comments just keep coming to me and it's unavoidable. I don't want to lose a friendship or flare up at others over such a small comment. but if lots are coming into you, it makes these unhappy emotions in me accumulate and contributes to me being not as confident as i was before. Furthermore, i have to face the person, whom people keep comparing me with, everyday. and guess what? just like when i was young, i still don't want my sister to come to the same school as me. but nevertheless, she's always stuck with me. I thought i have already overcome this problem of mine about the comparisons. But i was wrong. IT JUST TOTALLY MAKE ME FEEL SO DEMORALIZE. LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF LOSER TO THEM.

i'm trying not to take words from others too seriously. like what CINDY told me "be optimistic and don't bother what others say. you're living your life what. just don't care about them. ignore ignore ignore"

i feel comfortable with those words. i need to learn to ignore sometimes. or else there may come a point one day that i don't want to talk to or interact with anyone or even be friends with anyone ever.

so JUST STOP IT!

posted by Jos @ 8:35 AM 0 comments

Inferior

I'm depressed.

and i know the reasons why.

i'm down.

and i'm holding on a facade to hide it.

i'm moody.

but i just don't know how to show it.

all smiles in school.

but left alone, i'm crying inside.

i hate this feeling.

but i just can't help it.

I feel inferior.

SOMEONE! SAVE ME!

posted by Jos @ 8:56 AM 0 comments

Seeker

I seek comfort in my cousins, especially JET, JOANNE and WILLOW.
They're the greatest.
And I feel love with them.

Now, I know who to turn to when I'm down.
Who cares about what people say!
Jojo, keep your positive spirit up!

=]

posted by Jos @ 8:35 PM 0 comments

I HATE MYSELF

First day of proper school lessons have just started today. I'm feeling a little restless and moody right now. I just sense that i won't be able to cope with the things i want to achieve and the things i need to achieve. in simple words, i feel like a total loser right now.

well, today was a long day with lectures, tutorials, pe and wushu. I want to achieve my goals of obtaining a healthy and fit lifestyle that will not affect my studying methods and my academic grades. but i just find it so hard to change my lifestyle just like that. it's like whenever i'm stress, i'll just reach out to the fridge and get some food to munch. and i really mean MUNCH! Furthermore, i don't feel confident of myself as much as i am before. i think i'm suffering from image disorder or something. but seriously, i think i'm fat and unflattering. after knowing that i've gain so much weight and have developed a disproportional figure, i feel like a total fat ass giant.

People will start telling me about my height and all. But i'll still feel that same way. I understand why i'm feeling like this but i just can't help controlling my feelings especially when it comes to these situations where i'm caught in a world of countless homework which i'm struggling to cope and loads of emotional feelings in my mind which i can't control. ARGH!

Seriously, i need someone to talk to right now. someone to encourage me to work out and to study hard to achieve my goals. someone to boost me on to be an all-rounder which has always been my dream ever since young. I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO TALK! JET!!!

ARGH! I HATE MYSELF NOW.

posted by Jos @ 8:31 AM 1 comments

HAPPY 2008!

HELLO PEOPLE!

it's been awhile since i last blogged. well, the summer camp in melbourne was awesome and seriously fun! i've made quite a number of friends from different countries and experienced lots of cool and uncool events there. the scenery at ace-hi ranch was the most sightful and beautiful view i've ever seen. the weather there was cold (You don't perspire when you exercise there) and the flies were super irritating. but other than that, every other experiences there was totally awesome.

well, i've got lots of things to talk about melbourne but since it's the new year i should talk about some recent events which started off 2008 and school.

1 week before New Year
I spent the entire week with the cousins which was a fantastic goodbye to 2007. We has chalet, which was a total failure in organisation due to lack of funds. I stayed over at Cindy's house to straighten my hair, which by now has already curl back a little. Also, we went swimming at Jurong East Swimming Park and has a super duper uber great time there that we didn't want to go home even though we were dead tired.

New Year and New Year's Eve
New Year and New Year's Eve were not really a blast for me this year. Basically, I spent counting down with my pile of undone holiday homework with Jet via online. We were rushing through as many holiday homework as possible and I lasted the longest. Jet slept while doing his homework, as expected. I didn't even get to watch any fireworks or even go to any nice place with the cousins. That seems kind of pathetic.

So i slept pretty late on January the 1st of 2008 and had to wake up early in the morning to go to school and prepare for JC1 Orientation Azimuth. As expected, I woke up late at about 6.15am and went to school with Ying, Mum, Boy, Teng and Pa as our chauffeur. It's Teng's first day in my school and she seems kind of excited. But I was pretty worried about being late and seriously rachel called me like so many times to rush me to school. And so, I finally reached school at about 7am which is considered late for an OGL. haha.

Since Atlas 7 got seperated, I was allocated to Atlas 1 which I have no idea who the OGLs are. But they were nice people from the very moment i met them. Atlas 1 totally rock the house. They were the most ON group i've ever met with zuhairi offering to volunteer every single event that needed participation on stage. haha. then darren was the hot guy in the group that most OGLs were talking about. Plus, he speak with an accent which made english sound so interesting. haha. [ok, i'm pretty surprise that i just typed the previous sentence. haha.] Then, there was kai hui, this quiet girl who looks pretty cool with her spike hair. And there's sarah, who is a mixed blood [chinese + japanese + swedish] and seriously has very beautiful big sharp eyes and a very sweet smile. There's also Eillot, the boy who can draw spongebob and can sing in choir audition. Haha. Well, I remembered the rest but i'm pretty lazy to type down every single one of them. So, i'm stopping here about Atlas 1.

Oh, and I stayed at Jet's place yesterday because the train service ended after Atlas 1 dinner. I was seriously dying, dragging my feet to the MRT to take the train home when I saw the screen above my head saying "Train service ended". I didn't want to take the taxi home due to the lack of cash and Regina happened to be at the train station. So the idea of staying at Jet's place struck me as my rescue plan to not sleep at the streets. Hence, I made my way to Jet's place with Regina's accompaniment [because she stays near Jet's]. Well, I met Jet at the bus stop and we went to get Mr Softee before heading back to his house. I was so tired that i slept on the sofa while watching tv with Jet chatting away. Then, he woke me up and I slept on the mattress on the floor and woke up the next day at around 12pm. Haha. I'm such a pig!

At around 3pm, Jet and I left house and went to White Sands to meet Nad to take the train. They were going to the airport to complete their homework. I didn't really have my homework with me so I turn off their offer. So they alighted at Tanah Merah, while i continued my train ride to Eunos and back home. And once again, the pig in me activated again and i slept all the way from about 4pm to 8pm.

Watched a few tv programmes after waking up and now, here I am using the com and finishing econs elearning. Seriously, the elearning slides are super disorganised! They don't telly with the teacher's talking. Plus, I had to take the trouble of looking and copying all the slides before listening to the teacher's lecture. And this took me about 3hours or more. Argh!

Well, this entry is yet another boring entry. I hope i'll be able to post up pictures here once in a while to entertain myself and some readers who actually read my long and whiny entries. I gtg now. i'll try to update as much as possible but i think it's quite impossible with lessons and exams starting. Bye now! =]

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY COUSINS!
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY FRIENDS!
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL EARTHLINGS!

posted by Jos @ 2:31 PM 0 comments