COMPARISONS
Sometimes, people just don't understand how you feel. about yourself, about what people think about you and about how you portray yourself to others. even the closest people [my family] don't understand what I'm suffering through with all the comparisons in school.it just makes me feel so demoralized sometimes. like I'm always the ugly duckling and my siblings are the cream of the crop, the beautiful swans and princesses.
so what if i have a dull, boring, fierce and unfriendly look. so what if i'm boyish, unglam or whatever you can name it. i'm just who i am and stop comparing me with my sis! don't you know that your words hurts the person who is listening to it. it's making me feel so bad about myself that sometimes i just don't want to talk to anyone or even don't feel like going to school to avoid them.
does it make you happy to see me not being confident? does it make you happy to make me feel upset over how i look? if it is, then you have fulfilled your goal in making me feel all the bads about myself.
maybe i'm just being oversensitive about people's comments on me. maybe i look too much into the way people think or see me. maybe i can't take the words of others lightly. i always have to think about the bad side of what they are trying to say. but it does hurt when comments like "looks like all the good genes have gone into your sister and not you", "you know your sis have this perk up look and you've got this boring sian sian look", and "your sister is prettier than you". All these comments just keep coming to me and it's unavoidable. I don't want to lose a friendship or flare up at others over such a small comment. but if lots are coming into you, it makes these unhappy emotions in me accumulate and contributes to me being not as confident as i was before. Furthermore, i have to face the person, whom people keep comparing me with, everyday. and guess what? just like when i was young, i still don't want my sister to come to the same school as me. but nevertheless, she's always stuck with me. I thought i have already overcome this problem of mine about the comparisons. But i was wrong. IT JUST TOTALLY MAKE ME FEEL SO DEMORALIZE. LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF LOSER TO THEM.
i'm trying not to take words from others too seriously. like what CINDY told me "be optimistic and don't bother what others say. you're living your life what. just don't care about them. ignore ignore ignore"
i feel comfortable with those words. i need to learn to ignore sometimes. or else there may come a point one day that i don't want to talk to or interact with anyone or even be friends with anyone ever.
so JUST STOP IT!
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