what am i to do?
dear faeriefable
i know i shouldn't be using the computer for such a long time and watch so much tv at this period of time but the noise in my house is really tempting me to go and on these appliances!!! haha. i've nearly used an hour of computer now so i've got to make this entry a quick one.
i feel so weird after typing out the previous entry. it's just feel so not me sometimes to say all those stuff. so i'm not going to mention that entry anymore especially if melissa is involved. anyway, singapore just celebrated its 41st birthday so HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you, singapore. i'm not really very patriotic so it doesn't really sound very sincere. but i felt so relaxed on national day. i was singing the songs with boy and ying at home while watching the live telecast of the national day celebration. haha. we even sang the majulah singapura!!! haha. and we said the pledge as always. haha. ok. that sounds a little patriotic. maybe i do love singapore. haha. and ying was so adorable when she said the pledge cos she said it wrongly at some parts and she doesn't think it was wrong. haha. that's so funny. haha.
well, i got back my chinese O'level results and i am feeling very confused and lost whether to retake the chinese exams or not. i was telling myself that as long as i get an A it would be alright. but when i took it, i was not really satisfied. i'm intending to add chinese as one of my L1R5 subjects so i really wished that i could get A1 but i got a A2 which is good too. i think i'm being a little too greedy here but i really really am desperate to get good grades. i'm still having second thoughts about retaking it but i've more or less decided that i would retake the chinese exam to give it go and not regret in future. i'm a little afraid that time is not on my side. and siying's asking me whether i want to continue chinese tuition if i want to retake the exam. i'm not sure either but without tuition, i would not have any practice with chinese. so maybe i should continue chinese tuition but that would cost mum money again which i don't wish to spend. cos i know they earn hard money and taking money from them so frivolously is just not right. but i think if i'm retaking then i will continue chinese tuition or i'll be wasting time and money on the retake chinese exam. plus travelling to chinese tuition also consume some time. oh gosh!!! i'm so lost!!! there's so many factors to consider!!! i have to give an answer to siying tomorrow!!! how?!?!?!
O level english oral is coming up next week!!! my english is horrible. i think i can bearly scrape it through!!! i'm so worried and jittery now. english is very important and it will affect my grades greatly!!! i really have to pull my socks in the fastest possible way ever!!! i really need help!!! HELP!!!
i think the more i go on in this entry. the more worried i'll get. so i think i'll stop here for now! gtg now. bye!
thanks people!
dear faeriefable
today is a wonderful day. i feel so much love from the friends around me. and i'm touched by that. suddenly, i have this surge of emotions that i feel like expressing it. i know i'm being a little silly here but i really feel very much being love at for the first time. that is why i somehow insisted on using the com today to let the friends around me know that i appreciate them and am very grateful that i have them.
i don't know how they know about this small little secret hideout that i've always kept in my own world. this planet of thoughts and musings that i have always want it to be kept in the dark cos i'm afraid that my feelings might hurt someone and might even worsen some friendship that i somehow cherish. i know i love talking to myself cos only i know myself better and i know that i have to find the answers to the questions that i asked myself cos i know only i can do that and no one can do it for me cos they are not me and they don't feel me. i actually intended to lock this blog up so my thoughts to myself. and i know that there's a spy at home that is helping mum to check on me. and you can easily guess. she's the apple of my parents' eyes. but now that i know that there are my people around me that cares for me, i would like to thank them for telling me that they do care. thank you guys so much, especially for melissa who specially made me this timetable and wrote me a letter saying all those encouraging words. thanks melissa. and also to calister, who tagged my board, and telling me that people are there for me.
it's very difficult to tell people heart to heart things especially when you don't really know someone well and also when you know that person so well that you know that she doesn't like to hear these kind of things. worse of all, the person or rather the peeps, that i feel that i can trust them, don't understands me and that i feel so drifted apart from them. so i think it's better to keep things to myself. but i know i'm not exactly keeping things to myself cos i do tell jet some of my stuff and i do tell lots of things in this faeriefable. all this sounds like i'm some sad person who just can't get things over. i'm not ok! i just feel melancholy sometimes and a little nostalgic sometimes cos i like living in the happy memories and i miss these happy memories when they are gone and no longer coming back cos you can't turn the clock back. so i have to admit i have to get things over but i'm still keeping the happy memories cos they keep me happy when i am sad. YUP YUP I'M A HAPPY PERSON! so you people don't worry lah. i don't have some serious depression or something. it's just that sometimes people just feel sad over something. haha.
okok back to the daily happenings. tomorrow is national day eve cum national day celebration and i'm feeling kind of excited cos i'll be wearing a malay ethnic clothes borrowed from hannah. [thanks anyway, hannah!] it's a bajukurong. and i've been troubling about what shoe to wear cos all the footwear that i have is this pair of sandles and slippers. and that's all. end of story. so i've been trying to find what to wear for my feet. and i've decided to borrow this pair of brown sneakers from my sis. haha. think i'll just have to squeeze my big foot in that small shoe. just hope that my feet will fit in!!! please fit in, my dear feet. haha.
siying told me that she dreamt of me yesterday. i was so shock and amused! it's like so funny, thinking that someone dreamt of you and somemore it's a comical dream. ok. guess what she dreamt? she dreamt of me as a singapore idol contestant and that she was asking me whether i could get her some tickets to the singapore idol competition so that she can see the climax of the show which is ja and dick lee singing "this is home". *birds just flew pass my head* three strokes to her. haha. but it's still a very funny joke. haha.
joyce been working night shifts like practically everyday. and she's barely at home when the family is at home. she's only at home in the afternoon which is the time i come home. so at least i still get to see her but see her sleeping. haha. but whatever! she's like so desperate for a job or rather money. i don't even understands why she wants to accept this low pay, late hours and unenjoyable job! she better find a better one soon or i think she's going to turn into a zombie. haha.
i think tomorrow, after school, the gang of friends and i are going to jack's place to eat!!! it's going to cost me bomb man. all the savings that i've saved for like 3 months are going to be in this one meal... sounds so unworthy. but it's ok as long as it's once in a while. moreover, i get to spend time with my friends which i think somehow i sometimes ran out of things to say to them. so it's a good time to bond again. haha.
ok i think i gtg now. can't wait for tomorrow which is today. [you know what i mean.] haha. ok bye!
