can't stop eating

no cousin outing

dear faeriefable

today's a saturday. a weekend. and no one wants to go out with me to take a break from all the mugging. boohoo. i've been really looking forward to going out with the cousins this weekend but i turn out so wrong. as expected, jet's broke and joanne and amy are busy so they couldn't go out. wah! i don't care!!! i want to go out with the cousins!!! i don't care!!! argh!!! what's the use of whinning man? they still can't go out with me!

i can only go out this weekend. other than today and tomorrow, i will be locking myself in the room and begin mugging again. well, i just have to accept the truth and nothing but the truth which is they are not FREE!!! wah!!!

physics practical ended yesterday and i really got no idea what i was doing. but i'm glad that i managed to complete it. i feel so silly. it's because yesterday i was bathing and i was recalling what i was doing in physics practical and i realised i forgot to draw the dotted triangle in my sketched graph!!! argh!!! there goes my marks!!! then i was like: "jo, why you so stupid?!?!?! why you forgot to draw the dotted triangle?!?!?!" and i didn't know what i was doing other than blaming myself. so while i was blaming myself, i was pressing the soap without realising. and i thought i was pressing the shampoo so i was washing my hair with soap unconciously. and i was thinking how come my hair turn out so rough after washing it when i realised it was soap!!! argh!!! i'm still blaming myself for not drawing the dotted triangle in my graph!!! argh!!! how come i just let marks fly away from my hands!!! i'm so fustrated at myself!!! argh!!!

and 2 days ago, it was chemistry mcq paper. at the very last minute, i spotted 2 careless mistakes and the teacher said "put down your pencil!" argh!!! it's just right before my eyes and i can't change it when i knew it was wrong!!! argh!!! i'm so angry at myself!!! what's wrong with me!!! why is it always like this! jo, what are thinking during these examinations? you got to wake up man!!!

i loving the song "unwritten" by natasha bedingfield. it's so meaningful and real. the lyrics sometimes remind about myself. and i'm influencing jet to like it too. and he's loving it too! haha. well, a few days ago, i watched the movie "she's the man" which may recommended to me. it's really funny and it made me like the song called "move along" by all americans reject. the song is alright to me, not really to the extent that i'll love it. previously, when cindy was recommending this song last time, i was telling her that the song wasn't really very nice. and jet was insisting that it was nice when i told him last time. now after watching the show, i think it's kind of nice. haha.

i feel so relaxed now and i know this feeling seems so wrong. i need to mug!!! but i can't bring myself to the table and mug for a long time. i would walked around aimlessly at home just so that i do not have to sit on the chair for so long to mug!!! what's wrong with me? i thought i have strong concentration. but i guess i have to prove myself wrong. i'm beginning to rely on chicken essence to keep myself energize. i really need to do some serious reflection.

jet made a new blog and i think the blog skin is nice. he made it himself. it's simple and neat. just the type that i wanted. well, anyone reading this can go and check out his blog too. it's http://www.two-happy-bros.blogspot.com. but i guess hardly anyone reading my blog other than dear jet. haha. and jet, if you come to my blog, can you just leave a note to tell me that you were once here. haha.

kk. i think i gtg now. bye!

posted by Jos @ 12:29 AM 0 comments

PRELIMS

dear faeriefable

i'm finally back! well, been very busy these few days with all the examinations going on. finally survived one whole week of PRELIMS but there's still one more week to go. so i still have to cramp into more books. but next week's exams would be much more relaxed as most of them are MCQs.

i've already given up on the 3 months trial to jc already. i knew it when i took the english and i'm more confirmed about it after i've taken the geography paper. i never finished practically all the papers that i did. so i think i'm a gone case for now. i'm very worried i'm not going to survived for O'level.

i'm feeling so restless now. the feeling of knowing that you've survived a week of intense studying and that the exams next week are more relaxed makes me feel like a sloth again. i'm starting to slack again.

i'm very disturbed by the fact that everyone thinks that i'm a teacher's pet. and even my close friends are thinking this way. why can't they just understand that this is not what i wanted? it's not like i can stop the teacher from her actions. i'm not as good as what you guys expect. and i'm far worse than you expect. when prelims' results comes back, i can prove to you that all of it are generally Cs. i've always hated being compared with others. from young it has been like that. now there's even more comparison. when i heard from melissa about j*****, i somehow feel so broken. i thought my classmates are nice people. but they're nice on the outside but evil on the inside. now i know that a teacher's action can make so much difference to how people look at you. i don't want it to be this way. i'm not a teacher's pet for goodness sake! i hate people who thinks that i am! i hate it!

i'm missing cousins now. feel like asking them out but i'm trying very hard to do that. cos if i do, then i wouldn't have the urge to study anymore. the thought that i can go out with them after the exams has keep me surviving through this exam period. and all the encouragements that cindy and jet gave me really lightens my heart. makes me feel so wanted. makes me feel that i have to someone to lean to when i'm down. i feel so bless having them. i'm very determined that i'm going to call the cousins and ask them out after the exams. so cousins, if you're reading this, prepare to leave some spare time for an outing together, ok? i miss you guys!

everyone's so hardworking... i feel so pressurised. i have no goals or aims. i have no direction to follow. how i wish my parents can sometimes help me decide on some things. will this be the end of my future?


ok. gtg now. think i won't be touching the com for another week. so i'll update again when i touched the com. bye!

posted by Jos @ 10:46 PM 0 comments