transparent me.
I'm freaking pissed now. freaking mad. freaking angry and freaking whatever it is to descibe the feeling i'm having now. i'm getting to hate my family now. getting to hate this whole place where i'm staying. and getting to hate talking or communicating with them. no one seems to understand me. seems to understand how i feel. no one. and i mean it.it's always me hearing people talk about their stuff. their problems. their everything. but it's never my turn to say what i want. never a chance to tell them what i feel. never an opportunity to say what my problems are. even so when i say it out, they just tell me that they are even worse than me. all the crap. the shit and stuff that i'm not bothered. i'm trying to find a person to console. when i need them, they are not there. when i want them, they are not there. no one wants to hear me or listen to what i say. they are just shaking responsibility off. what. you work you win is it? you got something to do, you win is it? like i got nothing to do is it? i'm the most free person in the whole wide world. so i everything i do. everything i'm responsible. trap me at home. do whatever you want to me.
i cannot go out. i stay at home. fine. no breakfast. no lunch. no dinner. no money. no nothing. breakfast, just eat a bread. lunch, eat bread. dinner, sometimes you guys buy home. only me at home. i'm big. i'm old enough. so? what's with that? ah boy also free right? and you dun scold him. you scold me!!! me!!! get out of my life!!! i can name a whole lot of things that i'm unhappy with this family. with this place. or what so ever.
1) i always dun have a decent place to sleep. it's either the floor or the sofa. you all just take my space and sleep and treat me like i'm transparent. i dun belong to this place. it's your house. not mine. i not in this family. fine. i dun even want to be here. like i had a choice. no i dun.
2) i have to stay at home when no one is free. i'm the last choice. or maybe the first choice when it comes to stay at home and take care of everything. i cannot reject is it? you guys can say no. i can't is it? i'm your slave. i have to listen to what you all say. i can't go out is it? you all can. have fun. i dun care. go. go. go have your fun. i just wait at home, do nothing, and take care the rubbish you all left.
3) i'm always the last to use the com. or rather. i have to wait for you all to finish before i can use it. i'm always staying up so late to use the com. and whose been using the com. ah boy. and who scold him? nobody. only say him. and when i do just a little wrong, i get scolded like some shit like that. bias people. i hate you guys!!!
4) i dun get food. you expect me to stay at home then you dun provide me with food. dun provide me money to go buy food. starve me to death. let me die at home. just eat bread all day. time to replenish groceries. then call me to go out and buy. and what did you say earlier to me? tell me say at home. then no food no nothing at home. then call me to replenish the food and groceries. i'm not 2 person ok? how am suppose to be at home and at the same time in the supermarket? answer me? idiots
5) after work, where you all go? huh? some go library. some meet friends. you all can do all these things is because i'm at home. so you all can do all the stuff you all want. then i have to stay at home and wait. i cannot do the stuff i want. you all very happy lah. of course lah. everything me what. stay at home what. if i never stay at home, who get scolded. also me what. you all scolded for what? just say that i got school, i got work. i got nothing what. i'm very free what. so i have to stay at home what. if i noe that things is going to be this way, i should have failed my exams and go for extended studies. then i can also say that i have school.
i get second. you all never say anything. ah boy get first. then say so many things. hello!!! primary school. what do you expect. somemore his results also never say very good. i know my results also not very good. but hey i studied myself ok? did you all help? NO!!! i'm independent. not like him. still need people to supervise. still need people to teach. primary school i also ownself study.
at this moment, i feel like running away. from here. from you all. for a moment. i cry so many times before. but not many times you see me cry. i always cry in the night. i always thought to myself. why am i the only person in this house that is always left out? or treated lowly. especially when it comes to sleeping. hey i'm a tall person. and you all know that. the floor is dusty and i have to sleep there. and where did the rest sleep. on the bed. enjoying fresh air. so nice right? then me? on the floor. hard and dusty. still have to bend my legs to sleep. not enough space to stretch my leg even. and sometimes or rather, a lot of times, ah boy and ying ying sleep at my place. then what about me? i sleep where? you expect me to sleep with papa. hey i'm a girl ok? i'm not the young girl you think i am. fine. i dun want to talk about this thing anymore. it just pisses me off alot!!! i want a decent bed, can you provide me? no!!! where's the space? this house do not have space for a girl like me. just dump me one side. i'm not important. i'm placed last in your heart. i dun care about this anymore. cos i feel that i can be independent now. i can don't talk to you guys for as long as i can. it doesn't affect me much. i just watch my show. do my things. and you guys just do yours. it also does not affect you guys. since all along you guys treat me like i'm transparent. am i not right?
i gtg. this pisses me off. I HATE YOU GUYS. GET OUT OF MY LIFE, WILL YOU?
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