lost.
hey peeps. i don't really know what to update. but i'm feeling that my family is kind of disunited. everytime mum always say things about papa and i don't really wish to hear it from her. i guess something happened last time that cause this kind of thing to happen now. i also think that papa is also not really concern about the family now. i don't know why. but i just have this feeling.well, lunar new year is coming and most of my friends are getting so excited about it. but i don't. my family is not really looking forward to it. and i've yet to buy my new clothes. nobody visit my house during new year and we don't really visit as many houses as we do last time. we're not close to my father's side family. more likely to be close to my mother's side ones. i've always think that mum and the other aunts are very close to each other. but i guess i'm wrong. some things happened and i can't say it. secrets are always in my mind. i need to tell someone about it but i'm restricted and i can't cos it's hard to tell a close someone about it when it's concerns about the close ones around me. -sigh-. life so difficult isn't it? i dunno. i just wish i could live with someone that i'm able to convey to and not have any conflicts with. joanne? amy? i don't think so. whenever i see them together, i feel left out. so they are meant to be sisters but i think i'm meant to be a cousin. haha. but thinking about living with them in future sounds fun. i don't know where my future leads to. i don't have a aim, don't have a goal or even an ambition. i feel so lost.
there's 4 CAs next week and i've yet to finish studying. amath, social studies, history and english. i just read through social studies. and i just found out that it's SEQ so that means that i have to memorise it. damn it! i guess competiton in school this year is very tense and tough. i'm afraid that i can't cope, can't manage and can't even graduate. i guess nothing is free and nothing is easy in life. you have to make an effort to get what you one. that is my way of equivalent trade. haha. money? i don't love money nor do i hate it. i just think it's just a tool to exchange things. but why do people see money as an important thing. i guess it is important when you don't have enough to exchange for your basic neccessities. i don't know. it's a way of thinking i guess.
i know someone's been checking my stuff. opening my drawer and looking through my things without permission. who i suspect? mum. she's done this joyce before and it's not surprising that she is doing this to me. but what reason must she do this to me? i didn't do anything wrong so why must you do this to me? i do get the grades that you are happy with. so what do you want from me? i don't like this and you know it. and who would like someone to check on you secretly? no, right? so if you were in my shoes would you like it? no. so why are doing this? why? i want my privacy and it's wrong for you to that even though you think that it is right for you to do as you are my mum. i just don't like it and i'm not hidding anything from you. other than that you also read my messages without asking me. what do you want from me!!! argh!!!
hmm. i think i gtg now. used the com for quite long already and i shouldn't be using it anyway. ok. gtg!!! bye!!!
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