can't stop eating

to not commit is to feel guilty

dear faeriefable

school's been quite alright recently. i'm kind of use to the JC school life now but there are somethings that i still trying to adapt to it. i've been pretty worried about CCAs this week because some people have started their CCA trainings already and i have got no news from the CCA of my choice. hopefully, they will call for me for training this week. oh! and i've also joined Chingay as part of my CIP. haha. it's quite boring actually. i was expecting some real activities to do but sadly no. we just have to sit on the floor of the hall of SRJC and listen to one man speak. yup. it's that boring. haha. and they also have some impromptu skits that involves us to play when our names are called up. i really find the Chingay training meaningless but oh well, i've signed up for it so i have to attend to it. haha. but this week's training was fun even though it was optional. we have to QC [quality control] the teddy bears which the people will be selling during chingay. it was so easy to judge whether the bear is worth $5 a not but when it comes to designing the clothes for the bears, it was one tough task. haha. we [xiao xian, this girl who i forgotten what her name was, me and some other people] QC the bears so fast that we had nothing to do. then we had to join the rest in making clothes or rather decorating the bears with ribbons. a test of our creativity! haha. some ribbons were nice and we had to use them to design many weird accessories and clothes for them so that they will look $5 worth. but seriously, it still look cheap to me. haha. i saw some other bears that were dressed by others and they were awesome! man, they were so creativity! haha. well, after chingay, i lunched with the new friend i made and xiao xian at bishan junction 8's KFC. haha. we chatted and eat. and xiao xian was nice to offer me her mash potato cos she doesn't want it. [the mash potato very yummy what. why you don't like? haha.] then very coincidentally, i met benjamin with his canoeing friends eating at the same KFC. haha. he was just sitting at the table next to us. haha. so after we ate, we [xiaoxian and i] left for the mrt. the new friend took bus home so she doesn't need to take a train. i was kind of vexed at that moment because i had to attend kangli's church. she had invited me to go and join her service. i was very bothered by it because i've been to church before and i do believe that there is Him but i'm happy being a freethinker as i am now. so i'm kind of afraid that they will asked me to join their service and be a christian. sometimes i find being a christian really bears a huge responsibility. i'm afraid that i'm a sinner that He can't forgive. i'm afraid that i'll disappoint Him so i really think that i can't commit to Him and i'll feel guilty not being committed. i know that it's good to have Him to talk to when i'm in doubts and to have Him to trust and to think that there is Him to support me and keep me strong. but i really think that i can't carry this huge duty. i don't think i'm up to this challenge so most likely, i won't be joining. sorry to disappoint you, kangli. please understand how i feel. honestly, i think kangli's church is a little different from the church i went last time. it's not a real church. it's just a place where they attend service. i was expecting a real church like i used to go in the past but to my surprise, it was not. haha. the mood there is quite light so i feel kind of easy there. haha. oh! before i went for chingay, i was taking the same train as the MJ consellors then i feeling so uneasy because they are like seniors to me. they were also going to bishan for the chingay thingy so we alighted at the same station. then i don't know where exactly the chingay training was located so i followed them thinking that they will know. but they don't! this was when i met the new friend. haha. she was also lost and she approached me to ask whether i was going for the chingay thing and i said yes. so we went to asked the bus control station uncles and they too don't know where the place was. then we walked around and found the lift to where the location was but we didn't go back to tell the consellors. so they were literally clueless of where the place was and i felt so bad not going back to tell them. when xiao xian called to ask me where the place was, i gave her direction through the phone and asked her whether the consellors were still downstairs and they were! haha. i was feeling so guilty when they came up with xiao xian to the place. haha. i guess this will be demerit point during my OGL interview. haha.

that's was all for yesterday. now for some highlights of the week, i was sabotaged to be the GP rep. my CG teacher and GP teacher is the same person and his name is mr maxilian cheong. in short, we call him mr max or mr cheong but i think mr max sound nicer. haha. my first impression of him was strict because he speak english so fluently and he kind of scolded reuben for calling him "cher". no one dares to offend him. i think he'll be a good teacher to discipline the class but he's quite nice after some lessons with him. i also have special treatment from him because i'm the GP rep. he's quite a gentleman actually but the bad thing about him is that he keeps saying that girls are people who cannot be offended, which can be quite true sometimes. haha. a very famous statement that i've learnt from him: Hell knows/ hath no fury liked a women scorned. well, GP lessons are quite interesting. it's like a lesson that we discussed about issues and topics and also a classroom where we present our thoughts and ideas. it's something like "shoot!" but a lot more quieter and less agressive. i still prefer "shoot!" though. haha. too bad, it's already over. i'm really hoping that there's a next season. haha. back to the point. mr max told me that jonathan was the one that sabotaged me but i know there are also others that called my name when mr max was asking for a GP rep. [you guys watch out!] haha. so when it was our first chemistry lesson cum practical, jonathan volunteered to be the chem rep. but he didn't know that our chemistry teacher was so fierce. he was just senting himself to trouble. haha. i'm so glad that i'm the GP rep instead of a chemistry rep. but i wanted to be the math rep. oh well, just have to accept reality. haha.

we have some tutorials to do these week which keeps us busy. finally, there's some work to do! i was starting to think that JC life is so relax and slack when people keep telling me that it's so stressful. now that i have tutorials to do, i really do feel some stress in me. the tutorials are pretty difficult to attempt, especially math when it comes to trigonometry. there's so many formulaes to memorise!! haha. there's also an economics test come this tuesday. man! exams again!!! but i think it's quite good. at least i'm expose to a little stress in my JC life and have a test on whether i can cope on in this life. this would better help me in my decision to choose on my future route. haha.

i've finally met samuel, who is jet's best friend. he's pretty tall for a sec 3. at least taller than the boys i usually see. haha. i also met another friend of jet called sabrina. she have a choir face and i was not wrong about that. but she's an ex-choir member. now she's a librarian. so wasted! anyway, i met them at elias CC on friday after school. they were in the dance room, wasting their youth away and doing nothing. haha. we just chat, played with the disc player, jumped around and pretty much slack. haha. then we left at around 4.30pm. sabrina went home. so jet, samuel and i went exploring around pasir ris park. we took a bus to downtown east and walked around the park, looking for a maze. we walked quite a lot and found the maze which is the maze i went during MMM. haha. i was blindfolded back then so i didn't know what the interior of the maze looked like. the maze was pretty eerie, with all the plants that looked like they were dying as you walk deeper in. and the centre of the maze was a tall pole filled with vanderlisation. then we walked out of the maze and wanted to explore the swamp which we went before. but we found a route to a sight-seeing tower so we went. the place was quite deserted and smelly. it was a swamp. we saw crabs, inserts and many other creepy crawly. it was really like a maze. we were like walking in circles although jet and samuel said that we weren't. and finally, we reached the rest place that is at the swamp that we went before. we even saw a komodo lizard opposite the rest place from our view. haha. it was humongous! haha. it was already 5.30pm so we headed back out but we didn't know the route back to the actual place where we started so we just went out so any opening which we can find. apparently, the exit that we went was a place that we don't even know so we just walked aimlessly, hoping that we would find a bus stop. but eventually, we walked to the bus interchange. haha. then i decided to go to jet's house since i was exhausted and had intended to go to his house to play. so samuel left home and jet and i took a bus back to his [jet's] house. it's been quite a while since i visited his house. it's still the same and much neater than my house. haha. so much spacious! he also showed me the video that he made for the cousins. it's called cousin tribute special edition. haha. it was fantastic but i still think he can improve on it. haha. it's already an excellent attempt for a amateur like him. haha. then joanne called to say that she's coming!!! haha. well, joanne, wei wei kor kor and xiang thought that the aunts' outing on friday was a cousin outing so they went. but it turned out that it was not and they decided to go to jet's house. haha. and coincidentally, i was also at jet's house so we chatted and played until mum called to ask us home. haha. we left jet's house at 11pm and took a train back home with my mum and the other aunts. haha. it was quite fun after all. haha. we have decided to organise a cousin outing this coming friday!!! so exciting!! can't wait for that day to come!!! we're going vivocity!!! i've never been there before. AAAHHH!!! i'm so excited!!! haha. i think we're going to shop for chinese new year clothes, even though i can't celebrate it this year. but well, it's going to be a fun and spirited cousin outing which i can't miss! haha. must start saving up now! haha.

ok. i gtg now. have got loads of tutorials to do and i also need to study for econs test. haha. bye!

posted by Jos @ 3:05 AM