BLADES = GOOD GRADES + MONEY = HARD WORK + SAVINGS
dear faeriefable
the past 2 weeks have been so hectic. i could take a breather. mum sponsored me 100 bucks to my blades and so far, i have saved about 40 bucks. i need another 60 bucks and mum actually offered to sponsor me the remaining money with the condition that i give her good grades. but i don't have the confidence to guarantee her so i somehow rejected her. i didn't really give her a definite answer. i really want a pair of blades but i want to achieve it through my own strength. mum's offer is very tempting. i'm in a dilemma now. i want a pair of blades as soon as possible but at the same time, i don't want to make any guarantee or promise. the fact that i'm so lost during lectures, tired all day long and have no idea how to do my tutorials indicates that i won't be able to give my mum good grades. so i really don't want to make that guarantee. and if i accept her offer to sponsor me that extra 60 bucks, i won't have the motivation to save up and return her the 60 bucks in order to not guarantee her. it's complicated and i don't know what i'm going to do.
i've been working hard these few days. it's not really vigorous mugging but just trying to complete my tutorials, trying to understand what the lecturers are talking about and basically catching up with sleep too. i want to give my mum good grades. i want to get the blades and i'm saving up while mugging hard. in this way, when i feel like giving up on saving and craving my blades, i can just approach my mum and tell her that i'll accept her offer and give her the good grades that she wants. i know this thinking is super childish but it gives me motivation to work forward. i am determined to get my pair of blades! JIA YOU, JO!
well, i'm going to kangli's church later. i've been to her church once and it's quite different from other churches that i went before. it's not exactly a church but a hall in this shopping mall. kangli's been trying hard to get me to join her in believing in Him. i do believe that He exist. it's just that i don't think i would be able to be a committed devoter to Him. but i wish to give it a shot. in other words, i'm going to kangli's church today to confirm whether i would be able to be His follower. I don't want to leave halfway and say i wish to give up. So i want confirmation. i'm weird, am i? i bet no one would do the same as what i'm going to do. haha.
there's lots of BGR in school recently. okay. maybe not a lot but 2 or 3. I SO DON'T LIKE PLAYING GOOSEBERRY AROUND THESE COUPLES! it's as though i'm invisible. and i don't like being invisible. i want to mug and if people want to mug with me, please have proper manners. it's not really about manners but your behaviour. i'm totally disgusted and gross out. i feel like scolding ***** but i don't know how and it would be super awkward. and i just don't understand why ****** just won't reject or even move away. i just feel that ****** is giving some hope to ***** but rather, i think ***** thinks that he still has hope in getting ******. i've totally learn a lesson today. i won't study with couples and i won't study with couples-to-be, if they going to make me a gooseberry when i don't want to be one. haha. studying in co-ed school is much more complicated than studying in a single gender school. haha.
i can't believe i just wrote the above paragraph. it sounds like i'm totally gossiping about people. but i think the people in the above paragraph is very obvious. and i'm sure my classmates would definitely know what i'm talking about. i just hope that the ****** and ***** don't read it. haha. i think they'll surely get pissed off. but i can't take it and i want to say "stop it" but i don't know how. so this is the way i'm saying "stop it". haha.
i gtg now. i don't think i'll be updating soon. i'm a busy girl, you know? haha. ok. gtg now! bye!
BLAH BLAH BLADES!
dear faeriefable
I'M GOING MAD!!! I WANT THE PAIR OF BLADES SO BADLY!!! I KEEP THINKING OF THEM, EVEN DREAMING ABOUT THEM. I'VE BEEN SAVING UP BUT THE PROCESS IS TAKING SUCH A LONG TIME TO REACH THE TARGETED AMOUNT OF MONEY!!! I WANT IT NOW!!! I REALLY REALLY WANT IT!!! WHAT AM I TO DO?!?! I WANT THEM SO MUCH!!! I WANT THEM!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!! I WANT MONEY TO BUY THEM!!! I WANT THEM! I WANT THEM! I WANT THEM!!!
AND WHERE IS JET!!! I COULDN'T CONTACT HIM FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS. HE'S LIKE MISSING IN ACTION. NOT COMING ONLINE. NOT CALLING. NOT REPLYING MY MESSAGE. WHAT IS HE UP TO MAN! I CAN'T FIND ANYONE TO TALK TO. I CAN'T FIND ANYONE TO CALM ME DOWN. I CAN'T FIND ANYONE TO SHARE MY SECRETS!! JET HAN!!! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!!! I WANT THE PAIR OF BLADES VERY BADLY!!! HELP ME, JET!
ARGH!!!
facing the music
dear faeriefable
school has finally started and the day wasn't as bad as i expected. the only thing that i didn't expect was to get back my mid year results that fast. well, i guess the school wants to speed up their progress and hence become very efficient in marking the papers.
until now, i only got back physics mcq and GP paper 2 marks. i'm pretty please with my GP paper 2 results, thinking that all along my english language standard has always been very poor. as for physics mcq, i'm very neutral feelings about it. overall, i'm having mixed feelings about my capabilities. i know i'm going to fail all of my subjects. the only thing that matters is how badly i fail. i must really work hard for promos. i've been setting goals for myself and i've yet to achieve a single one of them. what's the use of making goals for myself when i'm not working towards it? i just feel stupid. i feel so dumb thinking that i'll be able to pull through mid years with flying colours. argh!
i just read my horoscope on friendster and this is what it says:
The Bottom Line
Your plans and ideas have advanced, but they're not quite done yet. Keep working!
In Detail
Your plans and ideas have advanced to an interesting state today. You're not quite ready to consider them completed, so you need to keep an eye on them. Things you thought were all done still have a few loose ends that you need to tie up. Be patient and thorough, and don't stop until you know for a fact that your future involvement is not necessary. Dropping these projects into someone else's lap could send the wrong message -- people will think that you are lazy.
i think it is so true. i've had so many ideas about designs on the class tee and wushu tee but i've not produce them out in hard copies or something that people can see and understand what my ideal complete project looks like. moreover, i also think that the horoscope is also telling me something about PW. yes, i know i have a great team. but i fear that i'm very active and involve in it. i just feel that i've done so little for the project and the team. i must really buck up and get active in my school work and projects. i must really achieve what i've set for myself and be the ideal person what i hope i can be. this sound so naive but i'm really serious about it.
well, there's school tmr and wushu too. i'm so dreading wushu. but oh well, it's my CCA and i have to get myself involved in it no matter what. -sigh- i'll be getting more results tmr and it's really time for me to face the music. i'm so afraid that i will breakdown but i know i'm strong. i know i can take the challenge and turn them into dares. i know i can do it. JIA YOU JO!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!
i gtg now. it's late and i'm still not asleep. this explains the eye bags that i've been developing. haha. ok. bye!
sacrifices for my goals
dear faeriefable
well, tomorrow or rather today is the last day of my break. i'll be having wushu training later at 4.30pm in school. man! i'm so dreading wushu training. i would rather use that time to go to the beach and cycle my whole life. haha. it just feels weird, isn't it? all of a sudden, i have the passion and desire to cycle and i really enjoy going to the beach. in fact, i love going to the beach and scream my heads out by the breakwaters. actually, my real desire is to blade. cycling would my second favourite after blading. now, i'm very determined to save up to buy myself a pair of blades and go to ECP every saturday to blade all the way to my favourite peaceful location by the beach. but for now, due to insufficient finances, i'll just go with my second favourite, cycling. haha.
i know i shouldn't be blogging right now, but i just felt like taking a break from e-learning. i'm still left with GP, which actually intended not to do, but after hearing what sherman and mr max was saying in the general office today, i decided to do it anyway. haha.
anyway, i had my A'level chinese oral today and it wasn't that bad, only that i kept saying the wrong words and stummer during my passage reading. the conversation question was quite alright. i hope the invigilators would be lenient to me. i really wish to get an A for my chinese in A'level! i'm putting high hopes on my chinese and i don't wish to disappoint myself and feel horrible in the end. so JO, YOU SHOULD BE WORKING HARD!!! JIA YOU!!!
i went to the bedok library today while waiting for teng to meet me to collect her new pair of spectacles. i found quite a number of books regarding knitting and crochet and once again, i'm starting to have interest in it again. teng helped me borrow one of the books. yay!!! haha.
so after borrowing the book, we went to the optician to look for my new pair of spectacles. it's so fun trying out the different kinds of spectacles. teng and i had a tummyful of laughter at the optician. haha. we tried the oldies, the modern, the plastic, the nerd and many others. haha. we really had a great time there. i found 3 pairs that i liked but in the end, i got the funky one cos i don't think mum would be please if i get the one with big lens. haha. i have to wait for another 2 days to collect my new pair of spectacles and totally change my image. haha.
i've been thinking about changing my hairstyle in school. i've been like wearing hairbands all my life and i was thinking of letting it go and put up a pin or something. but i'm afraid that it would turn out very childish looking so i'm trying to forgo that thought of mine. somehow or rather, i'm kind of loving my new hairstyle when i let my fringe down although i find the fringe a little too troublesome and irritating. haha. come to think of it, if i'm really going to change my image, i wonder what my friends and classmates would think about it. i think they'll be horrified from the way they reacted when i cut my hair short. sometimes, i really think they're very exaggerating. oh well, they're them and i'm me so i don't really want to care what they think about me although i know they think i'm dumb and simple minded. just let it be...
mr max just reminded the gang of us that promos are just 8 weeks away, which is equivalent to 2 months. man! sometimes, i really think the school is crazy. we just had our mid years and 2 months later, we're going to take our promos. and i know promos are super important. i cannot afford to fail any single one of my subjects and i'm aiming high. from today onwards, whether or not i'm going to have a life, whether or not my friends think i'm crazy, whether or not i'll be labelled as a nerd or a mugger, i will start working hard for my promos and score As, saved money for my pair of blades and achieve as much things as i can in life. this would mean forgoing outings, lunch and dinners with my classmates and all. it's an equivalent trade. i have to sacrifice something in order to gain something. and now, i've decided to sacrifice my time with my friends to achieve my goals. i know i'm being selfish and i hope they can understand my purpose. maybe once in while, i'll go out with them. just once in a while will do.
it's very late already. i'm suppose to be doing GP e-learning right now. gtg! bye!
