BLADES = GOOD GRADES + MONEY = HARD WORK + SAVINGS
dear faeriefablethe past 2 weeks have been so hectic. i could take a breather. mum sponsored me 100 bucks to my blades and so far, i have saved about 40 bucks. i need another 60 bucks and mum actually offered to sponsor me the remaining money with the condition that i give her good grades. but i don't have the confidence to guarantee her so i somehow rejected her. i didn't really give her a definite answer. i really want a pair of blades but i want to achieve it through my own strength. mum's offer is very tempting. i'm in a dilemma now. i want a pair of blades as soon as possible but at the same time, i don't want to make any guarantee or promise. the fact that i'm so lost during lectures, tired all day long and have no idea how to do my tutorials indicates that i won't be able to give my mum good grades. so i really don't want to make that guarantee. and if i accept her offer to sponsor me that extra 60 bucks, i won't have the motivation to save up and return her the 60 bucks in order to not guarantee her. it's complicated and i don't know what i'm going to do.
i've been working hard these few days. it's not really vigorous mugging but just trying to complete my tutorials, trying to understand what the lecturers are talking about and basically catching up with sleep too. i want to give my mum good grades. i want to get the blades and i'm saving up while mugging hard. in this way, when i feel like giving up on saving and craving my blades, i can just approach my mum and tell her that i'll accept her offer and give her the good grades that she wants. i know this thinking is super childish but it gives me motivation to work forward. i am determined to get my pair of blades! JIA YOU, JO!
well, i'm going to kangli's church later. i've been to her church once and it's quite different from other churches that i went before. it's not exactly a church but a hall in this shopping mall. kangli's been trying hard to get me to join her in believing in Him. i do believe that He exist. it's just that i don't think i would be able to be a committed devoter to Him. but i wish to give it a shot. in other words, i'm going to kangli's church today to confirm whether i would be able to be His follower. I don't want to leave halfway and say i wish to give up. So i want confirmation. i'm weird, am i? i bet no one would do the same as what i'm going to do. haha.
there's lots of BGR in school recently. okay. maybe not a lot but 2 or 3. I SO DON'T LIKE PLAYING GOOSEBERRY AROUND THESE COUPLES! it's as though i'm invisible. and i don't like being invisible. i want to mug and if people want to mug with me, please have proper manners. it's not really about manners but your behaviour. i'm totally disgusted and gross out. i feel like scolding ***** but i don't know how and it would be super awkward. and i just don't understand why ****** just won't reject or even move away. i just feel that ****** is giving some hope to ***** but rather, i think ***** thinks that he still has hope in getting ******. i've totally learn a lesson today. i won't study with couples and i won't study with couples-to-be, if they going to make me a gooseberry when i don't want to be one. haha. studying in co-ed school is much more complicated than studying in a single gender school. haha.
i can't believe i just wrote the above paragraph. it sounds like i'm totally gossiping about people. but i think the people in the above paragraph is very obvious. and i'm sure my classmates would definitely know what i'm talking about. i just hope that the ****** and ***** don't read it. haha. i think they'll surely get pissed off. but i can't take it and i want to say "stop it" but i don't know how. so this is the way i'm saying "stop it". haha.
i gtg now. i don't think i'll be updating soon. i'm a busy girl, you know? haha. ok. gtg now! bye!
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