GP is a killer!
dear faeriefablei'm very worried and stress for my GP paper this coming monday. i've never pass my GP before and i'm pretty sure i'm going to fail this one too. it's for the mid years and i want do well in it. but GP seems so difficult to even score. the previous test that mr max gave seriously made a big impact on me. it just shows that i'm not good at essay writing and that i don't have good organisation skills. i've spend so little time on planning my essay that i kept cancelling the words i've written down. i didn't even finished half the essay i was suppose to write in the given time. now, i don't have to confidence that i will finish my paper on time this coming monday. it's just to hard for me to write an essay in a given time. i've always spent hours and hours writing on one single essay as homework. now that there's a limited time given to complete one essay, i think i will not be able to do it. i guess i'm not fit to be in a JC. i'm not capable at all.
the week has finally past. i've been dozing off unknowingly at home while doing homework, watching tv and even eating! i can't believe that i'm actually making it a habit now. man! this is bad!! i've got to kick out of it! JO, YOU CANNOT SLEEP SO MUCH!!!
well, i've been avoiding to come home early. i just don't want to face the adults at home. this problematic family is getting on my nerves and it makes me and sibling scared sometimes. their actions are so unpredictable and i don't want to know more about it. it just seems so hard to believe. all along, we've been thinking that there will be hope between them but i guess it has reached the limit. our hopes are dashed and we've got to accept the fact that they just can't get along. how can one still be together with the other when one fears the other? i guess not. i have a broken family and i admit it. all the happy scenes are just a facade to show to the people outside. i don't want to act no more. it's just too fake. it's too much for the young ones to take in the family. i know we've grown much more mature and can understand how mum is feeling right now. all we need to know it's papa's side of the story. i don't want to bias but somehow after hearing what happened to mum, i just simply can't communicate with papa. i've been looking at him with disapproving eyes and i just feel disturbed when he talks to me. the reason? i don't know. i kind of hate him right now because of what he did to mum. i don't know. maybe i'm just being bias. maybe it's the illness in him that's causing his bad temper. argh!
the problems at home somehow made the sibling-hood grow stronger. i've been having many heart to heart talks with teng, joyce and boy. it feels good to have siblings when you need them the most. i'm so glad i can confide to them when family problems arises. teng has suffered a great blow. and it's pretty shocking to hear how the family has affect ying's behaviour, feelings and actions. i really want ying to live in a happy family and have a happy childhood like what all of us had when we were young. i guess this can't be made possible with the current situation. all i can do now is to try to give what i can give to her.
i've been procrastinating alot. i'm suppose to study GP right now, but i just don't have the mood to do so. i've not even completed one single topic. i'm so dead! GP makes me think of english and i don't like english. i'm bad at it and i'm such a loser! my foundation for english is still not up. and i'm not making any progress for GP. damn! i blame myself for not reading much when i was young. i don't even have time to read up now, not even the newspapers. argh!! i just hate this feeling of not wanting to do something but know that i have to do it. SOMEONE SAVE ME!!! WAH!
i gtg now. i think i took too long a break already. back to GP now. argh! bye!
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