weight control
hey peeps. back to blog again. well, i think this time i won't blog much cos i just blogged yesterday night. haha. well just came back from work. it was another manager in charge today. his name is called darren. i dun really like him too cos he is very dao. he don't really like me too. he don't really talk to me or rather he also sort of scold me a lot. he keep asking me not to play with the pen. hello!!! i was not playing with it. it's just a habit that i always have. argh!!! mos burger people are not friendly at all. argh!!! they get me on my nerve. i just hope that they don't talk behind my back and don't keep scolding me. and they don't dao me also. really hate that somehow. i know i don't really like to talk to strangers. so i make friends very slow. i'm not really very friendly so i don't usually talk to the person that i don't know unless they talk to me or something. the other crew seems to be classmate or rather ermmm... schoolmates bah. haha. but i'm just a stranger to them. so maybe they feel the same way as me. and i am very quiet when i'm working. so i hardly talk to anyone. haix... life's like this and this is how i am. not really sociable, huh? hehe. ermm... one advantage about going to work is that i get pay. and i will have money at the end of 1 month. so i'm waiting... haha. well, another thing is that i will have a control on the food i eat. cos during the holiday or rather when i am bored or something, i will feel like munching on something... so maybe going to work will stop me from eating too much... haha. so this is what i call weight control bah. haha. oh ya. i want to complain about one thing. my brother is always using the com. i mean he doesn't own the com to himself. it's a share com. but he alwys use it. hello!!! electricity bills is getting high you know? you better stop playing maple or the com too much ar... and he is also very irritating. whenever i use the com, he will like sit beside me or behind me which irritates me alot. hello again!!! i want my own privacy can? haha... ok i think that's about it. i think i complain alot... haha... ok now... gtg!!! bye!!!
first job
hey peeps... this is my 50th post!!! haha. well, sort of gotten over the thing that i'm upset with. only that i'm not talking to papa now. we're like having a cold war now. anyway, who cares? thinking of it just makes me mad. so why not. just leave it aside and let things be what it will be. anyway i dun feel like talking to papa also. he dun want to talk to me and i dun want to talk to him so we're both happy that both of us are not talking to each other. yup yup. haha. ok. so tomorrow is my third day in work. i'm currently working at PP's mos burger as a cashier. ermmm... the job is not very difficult. but at the first day i did a lot of mistakes. but on my second day it went out well until the stupid timothy come. so let me just explain what happened on my first and second day of work. it start out when teng was teaching me about what are the burgers and meals mos burger have in their menu. then i went to memorise the menu and started on the job straight away... haha. then that timothy was there. he was making the burgers. then whenever i make a mistake he will scold me. he's like the same age as me but he worked there for about 1 year or so... so he can be counted as a senior... then he test me on the menu and stuff... i mean he think he is what... he just work there longer than me and he's not the manager. so what right do he have to scold me? even the manager never say anything so what about him? and moreover it's my first day... what do you expect from me on my first day in a place where i'm not familiar? so on the second day, it all went well. i didn't make any mistakes. and when timothy came he was like scolding me for not frying the things first before i go and make the drinks. and then he was scolding for asking teng to help me fry the things. and then i somehow talk back to him which made him quite mad then he made a big fuss out of it. and i just went back home after i'm done. i dun care about him. i hope i won't be working with him in most of my shifts. hopefully... haha. well, went to www with jet, cindy, steph on 23/11/05. had lots of fun. we went bowling first then we ate lunch and then we went to www to play. was very tiring. then we ask amy out to have dinner with us. so we went TM to meet amy at long john silver. then pigney called and came. but she treated us to pizza at pizza hut. at least there is benefit for her to come and join us. although we dun want her to come with us. abit extra though. i feel so uneasy when she tries to get close to me... what has gotten into her, man? ok so after eating pizza, we went shopping for awhile and went home. i went to amy's house to stay over. i thought joanne will be staying over too. but no, she never. she bluff me. then cindy and i was made to be guinea pigs for amy to practice her make up so that she will do well on joanne and her friends the next day for their prom. i feel and look weird on make up. haha. then the next day, joanne come and amy help her and her friends to put make up and their hair-do. it was alright. then i made friends with joanne's friends. one is called hui li while the other is called xin hui. they're both nice people. haha. huili is pretty while xin hui is sweet and cute. haha. then amy went out and joanne and her friends went to their prom. so left me and cindy in the house. we have to go to cindy's ah ma house for dinner. at first i was very scare then when i reach there. ah ma was not that bad. haha. then we watched tv there and went back to cindy's house. reach cindy's house liao, we had to helped cindy's papa to scoop this dead fish on the floor with a big spade. eewww. it was disgusting. then we put on the soil where we thought cindy's papa will bury it in the soil. but nooooo.... he didn't. instead he chopped it into 2 with the big spade. which is gross. haha. then we went up to play the com. waited for amy and joanne to come back. then when amy and joanne came back, i looked at the photos joanne took at her prom. it looks ok. joanne look pretty!!! haha. then we bathed and had supper and chat at the same time... haha... then went to bed and chat somemore. then we sleep. the next day, i woke up early with joanne. joanne went to bugis for this training for her new job which turn out to a scram... argh!!! hate people who cheat!!! then i went home. and do the usual stuff i do at home. which is just to laze around and watch tv. and keep munching on the food. and i ate lots of ice cream which made me have a stomachache. i dunno what has gotten into my stomach. it keep gettings stomach ache. maybe i ate too much junk food recently... haha... well, i gtg now. and thanks for all who has read my blog and comforted me. i'm ok now. how come you all read never leave a tag? let me know that you have read what... haha... i thought no one read my blog so i can just write all my feelings out. haha... i try to cut less on the anger and write more sweet stuff next time... haha... thanks anyway guys!!! haha... love you guys lots!!! haha... ok gtg now... bye!!! sayonara!!! bye!!!
transparent me.
I'm freaking pissed now. freaking mad. freaking angry and freaking whatever it is to descibe the feeling i'm having now. i'm getting to hate my family now. getting to hate this whole place where i'm staying. and getting to hate talking or communicating with them. no one seems to understand me. seems to understand how i feel. no one. and i mean it. it's always me hearing people talk about their stuff. their problems. their everything. but it's never my turn to say what i want. never a chance to tell them what i feel. never an opportunity to say what my problems are. even so when i say it out, they just tell me that they are even worse than me. all the crap. the shit and stuff that i'm not bothered. i'm trying to find a person to console. when i need them, they are not there. when i want them, they are not there. no one wants to hear me or listen to what i say. they are just shaking responsibility off. what. you work you win is it? you got something to do, you win is it? like i got nothing to do is it? i'm the most free person in the whole wide world. so i everything i do. everything i'm responsible. trap me at home. do whatever you want to me. i cannot go out. i stay at home. fine. no breakfast. no lunch. no dinner. no money. no nothing. breakfast, just eat a bread. lunch, eat bread. dinner, sometimes you guys buy home. only me at home. i'm big. i'm old enough. so? what's with that? ah boy also free right? and you dun scold him. you scold me!!! me!!! get out of my life!!! i can name a whole lot of things that i'm unhappy with this family. with this place. or what so ever. 1) i always dun have a decent place to sleep. it's either the floor or the sofa. you all just take my space and sleep and treat me like i'm transparent. i dun belong to this place. it's your house. not mine. i not in this family. fine. i dun even want to be here. like i had a choice. no i dun. 2) i have to stay at home when no one is free. i'm the last choice. or maybe the first choice when it comes to stay at home and take care of everything. i cannot reject is it? you guys can say no. i can't is it? i'm your slave. i have to listen to what you all say. i can't go out is it? you all can. have fun. i dun care. go. go. go have your fun. i just wait at home, do nothing, and take care the rubbish you all left. 3) i'm always the last to use the com. or rather. i have to wait for you all to finish before i can use it. i'm always staying up so late to use the com. and whose been using the com. ah boy. and who scold him? nobody. only say him. and when i do just a little wrong, i get scolded like some shit like that. bias people. i hate you guys!!! 4) i dun get food. you expect me to stay at home then you dun provide me with food. dun provide me money to go buy food. starve me to death. let me die at home. just eat bread all day. time to replenish groceries. then call me to go out and buy. and what did you say earlier to me? tell me say at home. then no food no nothing at home. then call me to replenish the food and groceries. i'm not 2 person ok? how am suppose to be at home and at the same time in the supermarket? answer me? idiots 5) after work, where you all go? huh? some go library. some meet friends. you all can do all these things is because i'm at home. so you all can do all the stuff you all want. then i have to stay at home and wait. i cannot do the stuff i want. you all very happy lah. of course lah. everything me what. stay at home what. if i never stay at home, who get scolded. also me what. you all scolded for what? just say that i got school, i got work. i got nothing what. i'm very free what. so i have to stay at home what. if i noe that things is going to be this way, i should have failed my exams and go for extended studies. then i can also say that i have school. i get second. you all never say anything. ah boy get first. then say so many things. hello!!! primary school. what do you expect. somemore his results also never say very good. i know my results also not very good. but hey i studied myself ok? did you all help? NO!!! i'm independent. not like him. still need people to supervise. still need people to teach. primary school i also ownself study. at this moment, i feel like running away. from here. from you all. for a moment. i cry so many times before. but not many times you see me cry. i always cry in the night. i always thought to myself. why am i the only person in this house that is always left out? or treated lowly. especially when it comes to sleeping. hey i'm a tall person. and you all know that. the floor is dusty and i have to sleep there. and where did the rest sleep. on the bed. enjoying fresh air. so nice right? then me? on the floor. hard and dusty. still have to bend my legs to sleep. not enough space to stretch my leg even. and sometimes or rather, a lot of times, ah boy and ying ying sleep at my place. then what about me? i sleep where? you expect me to sleep with papa. hey i'm a girl ok? i'm not the young girl you think i am. fine. i dun want to talk about this thing anymore. it just pisses me off alot!!! i want a decent bed, can you provide me? no!!! where's the space? this house do not have space for a girl like me. just dump me one side. i'm not important. i'm placed last in your heart. i dun care about this anymore. cos i feel that i can be independent now. i can don't talk to you guys for as long as i can. it doesn't affect me much. i just watch my show. do my things. and you guys just do yours. it also does not affect you guys. since all along you guys treat me like i'm transparent. am i not right? i gtg. this pisses me off. I HATE YOU GUYS. GET OUT OF MY LIFE, WILL YOU?
MONEY PROBLEMS
hey peeps... feeling frustrated, bored and lonely... ha. i dun even know what i'm doing now... i'm just rotting at home day by day... and i somehow at a loss now... i dun know what to do. well, basically, i'm having some financial problems now... and i'm broke... and in a few days time, there will be a birthday celebration for 3 friends of mine... and i've already settled their birthday presents... only that on their birthday celebration, they are going to eat at somewhere expensive and i doubt i can afford it in my recent conditions... i don't know... i think i've been spending lots of money these few days... i've always think that my drawer will always have money in it until i found out that it's running out of $$... i've always thought that i'm financially independent until recently i have to borrow money from my siblings... i'm really at a loss now... i'm currently looking for a part time job... i've asked a few but they rejected me... even teng, who is younger than me, has a job... i've ask teng's job supervisor already... now i'm waiting for their responds... i doubt they're calling me... amy recommended me to be a banquet at ritz calton hotel... but mum doesn't really allow me cos she thinks that it's very dangerous for me to go home alone very late at night... and amy is quitting cos her school is reopening. which means that i will not have anyone to look up to. so that is why mum doesn't want me to be a banquet. but to me, i think banquet can earn money fast. i do not mean that being a banquet you can earn big bucks. i'm trying to mean that being a banquet you can get your pay after your one day work. so you at least have some money in hand. now i'm really in need of a job that can provide me money after a one day work so that in a few days time, i will have money to celebrate my friends' birthday. it's not that i cannot ask my mum or dad. but i don't really like the idea of asking money from your parents. i should have control my way of spending $$... so i guess this shall be my punishment. gosh... i'm so dead... yoshinoya is looking for part-time, who is 14 years and above... maybe i should try my luck there... but alot of people will recognise me. who cares. i think i should set aside my pride and do it. but the only problem is... will they hire me? and there is this art and craft shop that is looking for an assisstant... maybe i could call and ask. but i don't know if they would accept 15 year old student a not? gosh... i don't know what to do now. i should have listen to teng and find a job with her the other time. now i feeling full of regrets now. i really hate this feeling... i mean who would like to regret what she has done in the past... obviously, the answer is no. argh!!! maybe i should call... just give it a try. i think i can do it. JIA YOU!!! set aside my pride and bring out my courage!!! JIA YOU!!! haha... well, recently, i have thought of a fairytale of my own. somehow unique one. somehow special. and somehow related to me. i think the idea is good but it's difficult to express it out and write it out into a story. i'll try when i have the time. now it's all about my problems... i shall bear with it and solve it. haha... sounds so confident but i'm losing it a little... haha... i'll try i guess... i'll try... ok i think i shall go now. haha... gtg... bye!!! :)
