Tuesday, December 06, 2005

the guilt in me

hey peeps. back again. well, been feeling abit sad. or rather i should say guilty. and also abit bored i guess. it's the holidays and i don't know what i should do.

hmmm. something happened yesterday. had an arguement with papa again. i don't really understand why can't sometimes we don't communicate well. it's like this. yesterday, papa came back. well, since the harry potter outing with my friends incident that day, i never called him anymore. and i never even talk to him from that day onwards. so he came back and i never called him. then he ask me whether i want to go zoo today with joanne, xiang and ah boy. then i say see first cos i don't know whether i got work today. so i went to check and i don't have work. then i said i can go to the zoo with them. then he told me that i have to call joanne and xiang to confirm that they were going to the zoo. and when i called joanne told me that she and the rest didn't want to go. so i was very dissappointed at that time. then i thought of jet who really likes to visit the zoo. and i called him to ask whether he wanted to go a not. but jet had to ask pigney first. so he went to ask and i was afraid that justin and steph were coming along too. cos it's only children going out with no adults so it's difficult for us to take care of the children if they come along. but jet told me that he was going only. then there was this commotion with mummy, papa and me while i was on the phone with jet. then i was so irritated that i shouted. then papa scolded me then i talked back to him. and yup. guess what? we argued again. argh!!! i know this time is my fault. but he don't have to scold until like i'm not his daughter like that right? argh!!! and in the end, i cancelled the trip to the zoo. i don't really have the mood to go either. argh!!!

so now i'm feeling abit guilty. cos i know it's my fault to shout and talk back to papa. but he don't have to rake up the past right? he keep saying that about the harry potter outing incident. and that made me very angry cos that incident was his fault. i actually wanted to put that incident aside but he keep saying it that i can't stand it anymore. argh!!! i'm also quite dissappointed that joanne and xiang rejected my invitation to the zoo. but joanne got apologise to me through sms. now... it's very difficult for me to face papa now. he's not talking to me and i'm not talking to him too. i hate it!!! i hate this feeling!!! argh!!! i talked about it with jet yesterday. but he doesn't understand my feelings. and he keep saying that papa is the best and that kind of stuff. he keeps thinking about internet and what he really wants. sometimes i don't even know how to talk him over about the internet thing.

jet hates pigney because she never help him apply for broadband. so what if she does? you will keep using it, right jet? and then the bill will be high. and you won't do your homework and maple all day long. you always say you won't keep playing maple when you have broadband. but it's not true if you really have broadband. you think that 1 or 2 hours of internetting is not enough. but in real fact it is enough. you know why you think it is not enough? because you are too addicted to maple already. you cannot stop. you don't know how to limit yourself, jet. if i were your mum, i will ban you for using the com for 1 month. and i will keep the internet password to myself so that whenever you want to use it, you have to ask me. and everytime you use the com, you are limited to 1 1/2 hours. that was what mummy did to me when i had internet at first. this was because i was so addicted to it. so jet, please limit yourself from using the com or even the internet. you never use it for research. you use it for playing games. and that's no good. heed my advice, jet. i think it will help you. haix... i know you won't listen to me. nevermind. haix.

well, maybe i'll come back later. i gtg now. bye!!!

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