tense
everything seems so stressful and pressurizing now. mid years are like 25 more days away. and i'm still here blogging away, internetting, watching tv, relaxing, sleeping and lots of things which doesn't concerns about my studies... the competition is really very tense now and i can feel it so much. i just so wish i'll find a suitable learning method as fast as possible. this whole mid year thing is stressing me up. and i bet when it comes to O's, it'll be even worse. i just feel that i'm not prepared for everything. just feel that everything is so sudden. just feel that everything seems so wrong all of a sudden. what am i suppose to do? i can't concentrate!!! how??? i'm so vexed up now. argh!!! i need help!!! I NEED HELP!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE THERE??? HELP ME?!?! :(
attended this resilience course today. started out quite boring but it ended off interestingly. really saw some parts of myself when the lecturer was talking. learnt alot about myself and my behaviours. some good some bad. but mostly bad. there are some video clips that are funny too. and the self defence part was the best!!! haha. ferena, melissa and vanessa somehow impressed me with their karate. haha.
today it's also lu lao shi's last lesson with us. i find her chinese lesson with us very interesting and catches my attention. i've learned alot from her. and her storys are all so interesting. she's got a lot of chinese idioms to share with us which is so poetic and nice. she also told us her experience in this nortorious normal technical class. she sound so frustrated and agitated when she was telling us. really can feel how she felt when she was teaching in that class. if i was her, i would have cried and quit by then. haha. i'm so useless right? haha.
mid year exams are starting soon and i've not started on anything. been feeling that everyone is ahead of me. and i'm like way behind. and it's the first time in my secondary school years that a teacher wants to see my parents in the meet-the-parent session this year. i bet it's mrs tan. i know it because i've failed english. and i've got a feeling mrs lopez also wants to see my parents because i think i failed last term social studies exam? i'm not sure about it. but i guess i've got to prepare for the worst to come. i'm so tense nowadays. and i know why. i think i know why. it's prolly the mid years and O's. haven't got this feeling for ages and i dun want it to come. the feeling of it is really unpleasant and i dun like it. in fact, i think i hate it!!! gosh. i guess this is life. you got to face challenges in order to lead a easy life ahead. am i not right?
well, i think i better not waste my time now. gtg now!!! bye!!!
tempted
seriously, i don't know why i'm here. but i've got nothing to do online. so i was thinking of leaving an entry before i go offline.
tomorrow is the first school day of the term and i'm not looking forward to it. to be frank, i've read a few blogs and i found out that people, who really have friends that are so close to them, finds that the starting of school is a gleefull thing to look forward to. but i'm not. i don't know why. but somehow i feel lost when i'm in school. feel that there is no one to talk to. feels that i'm just a wander who roams about in school finding someone to talk to. and the most frustrating thing is that mid years are starting and i've yet started on anything. especially humanities. -sigh- i think i should start on something soon. and make a timetable so that i can organise my time and not feel so backwards when it comes to schoolwork. right! i should do that. but whenever i say i want to do something, it turns out that it's not done in the end. argh!!! this is so annoying!!! argh!!!
i think i'm going to heymath to revise on my e-math and a-math. plus, i think i'm going to be addicted to the computer and the tv (as always). this i got to blame jet who keeps encouraging me to use the com. JET!!! HOW COULD YOU!!! now i feel so useless. so easily tempted by something. why am i always like this?!?!?!
ok this entry is so short and self-repoach. i've got to go and eat dinner now. i'm determined to not be tempted by things very easily again!!! and JET, DUN ENCOURAGE ME!!! thanks!!! haha.
gtg now. bye!
Philosophical entry
wow. it's been ages since i wrote the previous entry. well, not much things has happened. but that does not mean that nothing happened. so i'll just write about the things that comes into my mind first. haha.
let me think. it's nearing the end of the holidays already which makes me in a gloomy mood. -sigh- time passes so fast and in a wink of an eye, it's been one week already. hmmm. i think i should start from the last two school days to the march holidays.
on thursday, we got back our progress report. it's not very satisfying but it's not really very displeasing too. so it's like average. the only thing that i'm vexed about is my english. yes. i failed once again. i'm really bad in my languages, ain't i? the only person who failed english in class is yours truly, here typing out her life and reflections. i'm trying very hard to understand it but i just can't get the gist of it. it's tough. it's really difficult to try to understand a language which you have been thinking it is correct for the past 15 years and suddenly someone tells you all that you have learnt is wrong and that you have to start from the basics again. it makes me feel stupid. makes me feel that i'm useless. makes me feel that i've wasted all that years learning something that is wrong from the start. i've been doing vocabulary. but i've not started with grammar. i guess i need to start from grammar first right? but i don't know where to start. melissa being nice by giving me this primary 6 english guidebook which i can refer to now and then. and mrs tan... i find her kind of bias. she favours popular girls only. girls that are enthusiastic in class, more open to conversations. unlike me, being so conservative, always keeping my thoughts to myself and don't wish to air it out because of the lack of confidence to speak out. -sigh again- so as i was saying about mrs tan. she gave me 2 sec 2 english assessments for me to practice at home. she totally forgot about me. shujie, chengqi and i were suppose to meet her after school on friday but she wasn't there. so we went home. then on monday, i had a chemistry course so i went to school. and i saw her but i was being a scaredy-cat, and back out to look for her when she is just in front of me. so i finally took the courage to look for her after my course and she told me that she forgotten about me and that she only had sec 2 assessments for me whereas she gave chengqi and shujie upper secondary assessments for them to do!!! how can she forget about me!!! i'm the only person who failed english in class!!! isn't my grades worse than shujie and chengqi?!?! well, i've to think positively too. so that shows that i have to get my basics right before preceeding to the upper level... but i have to get the basics right in a really short time or i'll be doom for O's. :|
ok. enough about the language thing. been looking forward for the holidays so that i can go out with the cousins. but it seems that they are very busy and that they can't spare any time out for the time being. that means this march holidays we don't have a cousin outing. sad. it's so out of the tradition. we always have an outing or two during the holidays. i guess as we grow older, the lesser you spend your time with your family or rather the lesser the time you have to enjoy because we are always hook up with things which makes us really busy. hope we can meet up soon. but i doubt it. cos my mid-years are coming in about 3 weeks and i've not started studying anything. i'll gonna be so dead by then. especially in language and humanities. -sigh- it seems that i'm always sighing my whole life. sometimes, i wonder why there are so many things to worry about. why can't we just let it go and let time do the work. whatever that comes will come. let fate be. but i think it's a natural human reaction to worry about things. unless that person is emotionless. i mean there is surely something in someone that makes them have feelings. to me, i think it's mostly the memories. the sweet-bitter memories. how i wish i could go back time...
well, i've just sign up for a membership in the community centre to use the study room. but it's seen eerie there. it's either me and teng or me alone. and i've to off the lights and air-con after i'm done with the room. i'm a little afraid of the dark especially in places which seems unfamiliar to me. so everytime i off the lights and air-con, i would run to the elevator and quickly go to the ground floor where there's more people. sound daft right? but it's true. haha.
i just found out that i don't study very well in study groups. i think i should study myself and not let anyone influence me. today, i went to almass's house to study with almass and melissa. but it turns out that they are the queen of gossips and kept gossiping non-stop. i'll just have to take my concentration to the test and tolerant with the noise that they were making. haha. then i was idling in almass's house. i tell you. almass has got one of the largest HDB mansionate. it's like 2 flats combined into 1. and melissa and i was like so amazed by it. there's like 2 living rooms. and we can't decide where to sit at first. haha. it was hilarious i tell you. haha. but i've decided to study my own in future. so i guess i have to reject people who wants to study in groups with me. but i think studying with calister is not bad. see first bah. haha.
oh! BoA's latest album has finally reached singapore. i already know that album last year and it is just releasing in singapore. so slow. haha. but i like the song titled secret. it's nice. can you keep a secret? shhh... i'm listening to corraine may's song now. it's very meaningful and it inspires me a lot. sometimes it does says out my feelings. it does carry a lot of weight about things that are happening around me and how i feel when it happened. haha. -smiles- i think i've matured quite a long through the journey of my life. suddenly i understand things that people do, the feelings that people have, and strong feelings inside my heart. i believe when i was young, i wasn't any all like this. carefree, innocent and playful. it's good to be young, isn't it? it's good to be a little girl, little child, little baby. i wonder why people grow? have you ever thought of it before? how i wish there is someone to answer all my questions... an answer that is precise and no doubts in it. but i guess it's impossible. people have different perpective in life so there are many different answers in just one question. philosophic, huh? haha.
i guess i will end here. hope you will find the answer to your own question like what i'm trying to find. ok. gtg now!!! bye!!! i'm josephine. zapping out!!! haha. bye!!!
random
it's late in the night now and i'm still online. i'm feeling kind of refresh cos i've just taken a bath. anyway, am chatting with jet now but he's ignoring me and went on to play his maple. he's taking ages to answer my questions. haix... boys are all like this. once they are addicted to an online game, they never stop playing them. haha. i think girls are more discipline than boys. don't you think so?
well, not much has happened the past few days. but i'm just blogging to let time past more wisely... haha. i've been trying very hard to improve my english now. been looking through the dictionary now and then you find the meanings of some words that i don't know. and i've finished reading "the five people you meet in heaven" by mitch albom. it's such a touching book which teaches me alot of things such as to forgive the past and live the present. i don't really know how to explain it in profound english. i'm still learning. when it comes to speaking, maybe i'll be able to tell you more about the book. but i feel so accomplished after finishing that book. it's like the shortest time i've taken to finish a book but i know it's short. haha. but just to think on the bright side, i rarely read books and i've just finished one. i'm impress with myself now. haha. i continue reading books when i have the time. haha. i'm so happy for myself. haha.
i'm pretty worried about my exams lately. i've failed my english comprehension and am the only one who failed in class. i feel so ashamed. i must really improve and at a fast rate cos there isn't much time for me to waste around being a sloth. i've been lazing around at home, eating, sleeping and watching tv. i must really stop all these habits that will affect my studies and spend more time improving the subjects that i need to work on. the results for my social studies test was the hardest blow i've ever had. it's the lowest mark i got for SBQ. i'm so dissappointed. next is chinese. it's just one mark to fail already. i better buck up. i can't stand this feeling about being such a failure. then it is history elective. haix. i guess i'm just not really very good in combined humanities or rather in humanities. i'm quite satisfied with both of my math. it's quite high i can say... haha. well, my sciences are not that bad either only that my practicals are pulling me down. so i guess i'm more of a math/science person. but i prefer math better. haha.
everyone's asleep and i'm still blogging. seriously, i don't know what to blog. there's this chinese letter writing exam tmr and i've not studied finished. or rather i'm afraid that i'll do badly in it. i'm really worried about my chinese. i've always been doing well. what's wrong with me? i've realised in chinese tuition today that my chinese ain't as good as i think it was. -sigh- guess i really have to work hard this year. haix...
yup. family. hmmm... i've been wondering why mum been avoiding papa and keep asking us to pass things to him instead of her doing it herself. it's really annoying and i don't like them doing this to each other. and i think papa is crazy. he keeps buying fish and they die after a few days. and he knows that mum doesn't like him to keep fish at home so he's doing what mum doesn't approve. the more mum dislike, the more he wants to do it to make her angry. what's wrong with them? argh!!! i really hate their attitude towards each other. and what has happened in the past has gone already and there they are being petty people. it's already so long ago and they're still like this. especially mum. she's such a petty person. argh!!! and she keeps telling us that we have to give her money when we grow up and ask her to live with us when we get married off. hello!!! if you are going to be like that, i won't, ok? you guys are not showing good examples to us. that is why i've been feeling so annoyed with you two at home. argh!!!
ok i think that's about this entry. gtg now. bye!!! it's really late now. gtg!!! bye!!!
