Philosophical entry
wow. it's been ages since i wrote the previous entry. well, not much things has happened. but that does not mean that nothing happened. so i'll just write about the things that comes into my mind first. haha.let me think. it's nearing the end of the holidays already which makes me in a gloomy mood. -sigh- time passes so fast and in a wink of an eye, it's been one week already. hmmm. i think i should start from the last two school days to the march holidays.
on thursday, we got back our progress report. it's not very satisfying but it's not really very displeasing too. so it's like average. the only thing that i'm vexed about is my english. yes. i failed once again. i'm really bad in my languages, ain't i? the only person who failed english in class is yours truly, here typing out her life and reflections. i'm trying very hard to understand it but i just can't get the gist of it. it's tough. it's really difficult to try to understand a language which you have been thinking it is correct for the past 15 years and suddenly someone tells you all that you have learnt is wrong and that you have to start from the basics again. it makes me feel stupid. makes me feel that i'm useless. makes me feel that i've wasted all that years learning something that is wrong from the start. i've been doing vocabulary. but i've not started with grammar. i guess i need to start from grammar first right? but i don't know where to start. melissa being nice by giving me this primary 6 english guidebook which i can refer to now and then. and mrs tan... i find her kind of bias. she favours popular girls only. girls that are enthusiastic in class, more open to conversations. unlike me, being so conservative, always keeping my thoughts to myself and don't wish to air it out because of the lack of confidence to speak out. -sigh again- so as i was saying about mrs tan. she gave me 2 sec 2 english assessments for me to practice at home. she totally forgot about me. shujie, chengqi and i were suppose to meet her after school on friday but she wasn't there. so we went home. then on monday, i had a chemistry course so i went to school. and i saw her but i was being a scaredy-cat, and back out to look for her when she is just in front of me. so i finally took the courage to look for her after my course and she told me that she forgotten about me and that she only had sec 2 assessments for me whereas she gave chengqi and shujie upper secondary assessments for them to do!!! how can she forget about me!!! i'm the only person who failed english in class!!! isn't my grades worse than shujie and chengqi?!?! well, i've to think positively too. so that shows that i have to get my basics right before preceeding to the upper level... but i have to get the basics right in a really short time or i'll be doom for O's. :|
ok. enough about the language thing. been looking forward for the holidays so that i can go out with the cousins. but it seems that they are very busy and that they can't spare any time out for the time being. that means this march holidays we don't have a cousin outing. sad. it's so out of the tradition. we always have an outing or two during the holidays. i guess as we grow older, the lesser you spend your time with your family or rather the lesser the time you have to enjoy because we are always hook up with things which makes us really busy. hope we can meet up soon. but i doubt it. cos my mid-years are coming in about 3 weeks and i've not started studying anything. i'll gonna be so dead by then. especially in language and humanities. -sigh- it seems that i'm always sighing my whole life. sometimes, i wonder why there are so many things to worry about. why can't we just let it go and let time do the work. whatever that comes will come. let fate be. but i think it's a natural human reaction to worry about things. unless that person is emotionless. i mean there is surely something in someone that makes them have feelings. to me, i think it's mostly the memories. the sweet-bitter memories. how i wish i could go back time...
well, i've just sign up for a membership in the community centre to use the study room. but it's seen eerie there. it's either me and teng or me alone. and i've to off the lights and air-con after i'm done with the room. i'm a little afraid of the dark especially in places which seems unfamiliar to me. so everytime i off the lights and air-con, i would run to the elevator and quickly go to the ground floor where there's more people. sound daft right? but it's true. haha.
i just found out that i don't study very well in study groups. i think i should study myself and not let anyone influence me. today, i went to almass's house to study with almass and melissa. but it turns out that they are the queen of gossips and kept gossiping non-stop. i'll just have to take my concentration to the test and tolerant with the noise that they were making. haha. then i was idling in almass's house. i tell you. almass has got one of the largest HDB mansionate. it's like 2 flats combined into 1. and melissa and i was like so amazed by it. there's like 2 living rooms. and we can't decide where to sit at first. haha. it was hilarious i tell you. haha. but i've decided to study my own in future. so i guess i have to reject people who wants to study in groups with me. but i think studying with calister is not bad. see first bah. haha.
oh! BoA's latest album has finally reached singapore. i already know that album last year and it is just releasing in singapore. so slow. haha. but i like the song titled secret. it's nice. can you keep a secret? shhh... i'm listening to corraine may's song now. it's very meaningful and it inspires me a lot. sometimes it does says out my feelings. it does carry a lot of weight about things that are happening around me and how i feel when it happened. haha. -smiles- i think i've matured quite a long through the journey of my life. suddenly i understand things that people do, the feelings that people have, and strong feelings inside my heart. i believe when i was young, i wasn't any all like this. carefree, innocent and playful. it's good to be young, isn't it? it's good to be a little girl, little child, little baby. i wonder why people grow? have you ever thought of it before? how i wish there is someone to answer all my questions... an answer that is precise and no doubts in it. but i guess it's impossible. people have different perpective in life so there are many different answers in just one question. philosophic, huh? haha.
i guess i will end here. hope you will find the answer to your own question like what i'm trying to find. ok. gtg now!!! bye!!! i'm josephine. zapping out!!! haha. bye!!!
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