get well soon, ah gong.
Finally the weekend is here. At least can relax a bit. In fact, I’ve been relaxing for the whole week. Feels weird not having any exams for the whole week. Guess I’m quite used to the life the school has wanted us to adapt to, which is to have exams almost everyday of the week. i'm happy for jet. he got his broadband just today. so that means he can go online and chat with me while i can do plenty of things while chatting with him. haha. sounds so fun!!! haha.
i'm worried about ah gong. he just had a fit recently. and he can't walk now. i'm scared that he leave us... choy choy. touch wood. -slaps mouth- he has to sit on the wheelchair. i'm very worried about him. and it's not very convinient for my family to go to the "uncle" house. i shan't talk about him. he's such a loser. i really hate him and his wife especially his wife. she's the evil one. the one who doesn't know what filial piety is. the one who will get her retribute when her sons get married and leave her all alone. argh!!! ah gong is really very sick. he has swollen cheeks and he's eyes have turned very small. i'm really very sad, really very sad. i just so wish all of us can go back in time when i was just a child and that he was happy staying with us and looking after us so happily. he looks so radiant at that time. full of energy. maybe after he stayed with the "uncle", there was nothing for him to do and that he was sitting in his room doing nothing, dazing and dreaming. and that he was very bored. my teacher tells me that once an elder feels lonely for a long time, illness will come. IT'S ALL HIS FAULT!!! what son is he!!! he has no rights to be his son. he doesn't even pay for his hospital bills and kept asking money from ah gong and just throw him a side like that. i feel so sad for ah gong. i really hate him. i really really despise him alot. i just hope that ah gong will stay with us now. at least there is someone who can look after him and that my family is very noisy so that he will feel the family warmth here. in addition, ying is also around to entertain ah gong anytime. AH GONG, PLEASE COME STAY WITH US!!! i know there isn't enough rooms for him to sleep. maybe all the children can sleep in the living room and we will return his room to him. everything sounds so wrong in reality. it's not what i want. this reality is not what i want. i want to the wish to turn to a reality. i really do. ah gong, please be well. you've endured so long. please be well. please be well. please be well...
there is something that has always been in my mind for quite a long time. and i have discussed it with jet yesterday on the phone. well, i dunno if joanne and amy are reading my blogs. i don't even think that there is someone reading my blog. and that this blog of mine has always been my world and my thoughts, feelings, and fantasy. so i'll just say whatever i feels. it's this thing that has been bugging me everytime i'm going out with the cousins. i feel extra. i really feel extra. amy and joanne. jet, ah xiang and ah boy. cindy and teng. me? where am i? stranded somewhere. when there is a place for me to stand then i stand. and when there isn't, i'll just stand aside and is being left out. i'm jealous yet i dunno what i'm jealous of. yes, i do talk to jet often on the phone. in fact, we are very close. but when it comes to family gathering, there's other people that jet wants to hang out other than me. there's ah xiang and ah boy to hang out with him. and everytime they talk is about online games which i'm not interested. yes, i know i'm in the group of joanne and amy. but they are close to each other that i dunno what position i am in when i'm with them. i feel extra when they talk about things that i don't really know. i'm still not as mature as them and i'm really expose to the outside world yet. but they have. the things they say doesn't click in my mind. i'll be like: "huh? what are they saying?" and i'll just sit aside and listen to them talk between themselves. just a listener.
the gathering on my birthday. i've been thinking about it since that day about the conversation among me, joanne and amy. i remember something like this.
jo: last time i more close to da jie one.
amy: ya. last time i more close to joyce.
jo: ya. then dunno when we all become very close liao.
amy: i think is because da jie never gather with us very often and joyce also.
jo: ya, then jojo you last time is with who one?
me: -speechless-
jo: you like time is with me one right?
me: i think so.
see. get what i mean now? i dunno who i'm with. but one thing i know is that i'm always with the cousins. and that they are always with me. i somehow feel that the things that i say is like the cousins have break into different cliques. NO. they have not. they are united. they are bonded. they are together as one. maybe i'm thinking too much. maybe i'm being over-sensitive about it. i'm always having random thoughts. haha.
ok so jet is playing maple now. such a boring game after playing for a long while. i know he won't agree with me to that. and he'll never be. so wholehearted to the game. hai. boys are like this. got back some results and i didn't really do well for some especially my combined humanities. gosh, i'm so bad at humanities. my strong subject is still math. haha. ah boy didn't do well for his CAs too. got quite a scolding from mum just now when she looked through the papers. haha. good luck to him then. haha. we'll work hard together. we'll graduate happily. haha.
ok i gtg now. thinking of cutting my hair but i dunno what style yet. shall do some research before i really make my final decision. haha. ok gtg now!!! bye!!!
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