can't stop eating

messed up

dear faeriefable

i'm very moody now. heard a terrible news when i can't home from the cousin outing today. and i feel so guilty that i'm not by teng's side at that time. yup. my parents quarrelled again. and teng was left all alone to deal with this dramatic incident. boy and i were staying over at amy's house and joyce went to work, so she didn't have anyone to ask for help or what so ever. i feel so bad. why must they quarrel? why can't they just communicate properly? i very scared that they will divorce. but i just couldn't find a solution to this problem. will having a lot of money help you people to talk to each other better? i hate money. can't they just be less materialistic? why must they be so stubborn and petty? they were once good parents when i was young but things changed. they are no longer good parents. they haven't thought about us. they never think that the way they communicate, the way they react to each other in front of us and the way they avoid each other affected our lives. they haven't give us a happy family and they haven't provided us with the love and care that we needed. what we want is just a happy family like amy's family, like calister's family and like hwee's family. they sound happy and loving. sometimes i just feel that coming home is such a chore because i have to face this scene everyday and be a middleman. we have to hear you guys talk about how difficult you have to pay bills, how difficult you guys work to earn money and how difficult you guys faced each other. things have really turned very serious. i guess you guys have no feelings for each other already. i have no solutions to this but to think that i'll earn lots of money to solve the money problem. this family is broken. the photos i see about the past can no longer depict this family. i feel like running away now. what am i to do? what can we children do to keep this family together? i hate this feeling...

i've been out the whole of this week and last week. this is the first time i've been out so many times and so many consecutive days. i'm totally exhausted and i just want to stay at home and rest. but xiang just called to ask for help. he needs me to take his coat to change for a bigger size. i didn't want to agree to it but i didn't dare to reject cos we're family and family should help family. and so i'm in a dilemma. i've got no choice but to say yes. i didn't want to go alone so i dragged jet to come along with me. [sorry jet] i feel so guilty. cos he had a busy week like me. we're mostly out of our house and we really are tired of going out. i hope this trip would be the last trip. and XIANG, YOU OWE US A TREAT AND A REALLY BIG TREAT!!! i'll remember this. you owe us big time man. haha. so the trip tomorrow will be like this. first, we have to meet joanne at 1230pm at woodlands [!!!][it's so far!!!] and then we have to go to parkway parade to change the coat to a bigger size and go to dhoby gourd to give it to xiang at around 3pm. and that's the end of the trip. guess it'll be another tiring day... haix...

ok today, we had a cousin outing. and we went to katong shopping centre to sing KTV. the place is really small but it's cheap. 1 room for 3 hours only cost $18. so we spilt the cost. oh! and we met joanne's friend too. she accompanied joanne to katong shopping centre which is a super ulu place. haha. after that, we took a bus to parkway parade and ate at MOS burger which is the place i worked previously. i feel so bad, acting like i don't know the people there. haha. but it's over. so i don't really care. anyway, the experience there wasn't very good. ok. back to the point. after eating at MOS burger, we went to buy ice cream and spilt ways. cindy, steph and i went to eat mac's ice cream. jet and boy went to eat scoopz's ice cream. and joanne and amy went to eat anderson's ice cream. so we went different ways to buy our ice cream and met up later. i ate strawberry sundae which is kind of too sweet for my taste buds. haha. after buying ice cream, we went to meet up with jet and boy outside chameleon which is an accessories shop. the boys refuse to come into the shop so they waited outside the shop doing nothing. haha. then the girls [me, cindy and steph] went into the shop and looked for rubber bands and tried on many rings. haha. we took such a long time in the shop that we've forgotten about the boys outside. haha. soon, amy and joanne came and we took bus together and went home. this outing ended so fast.
how i wish time could just stop and we would spend all the time we want together. but i know that's impossible. haha.

so i've decided on the schools for PAE. now's the time for boy to decide which secondary school he wants to go. mum's so anxious about him. we had to take loads of buses and try out many schools to see if the school is at a convenient distance from our house or to see if the school is good or not. i didn't have to do all that when i was at primary 6. poor ah boy have to do all these things and DRAG US ALL DOWN!!! so he is the reason why i've been out all day. cos i have to accompany mum and him to try out schools and buses. he better choose properly or i'm going to kill him. haha. so we went to bedok green's and bedok view's open houses and their schools are so huge and new. so envious!!! but i'm leaving secondary school already so it doesn't matter much. but bedok green give me quite a good impression. bedok view doesn't. but mum wants boy to go to bedok view or hai sing catholic cos their aggregate marks is about the same as his. whatever it is, i feel that he will know which school is right for him. the decision is his anyway. haha.

ok i think i gtg now. need to go and bathe. i really had a super exhausting day!!! ok gtg now. bye!

posted by Jos @ 10:11 AM