once again, i'm being mean
dear faeriefable
i so miss the cousins now! i don't know what to do not thinking about them from time to time, especially when i'm in a dazed or when i'm bored or free. they just make my day, and not seeing them or contacting them for a long time makes me sad. JOANNE's 18 already! haha.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOANNE!!! it's ego eighteen this year so show me some attitude!!! haha. nah! you're too kind to show me attitude! you'll always be my role model and the caring big sister! haha. love you loads!!! i want to go out with some time!!!
i haven't been having phone conversations with jet these few days. guess he's pretty busy these few days, with the shoots, school work and job. he has too many commitments already. sometimes, it makes me feel a little envious about him. i want to be a busy person so i won't think too much! haha. seriously, i've been getting comments from people in school that i think too much. am i really thinking too much into things or is this just my nature? i don't think i'm reading too much into things but people just keep telling me that and sometimes it irritates me. haha. it's not wrong to think too much right? i mean it's just thinking. it won't do me any harm, will it? haha. anyway, jet's busy and i've got no one to consult to. argh!!! JET HAN!!! CAN YOU NOT BE THAT BUSY?!?! haha.
i've realised something recently. something about myself. and i find it very weird to the extent that sometimes it freaks me out. i've realised i've changed alot and i don't really wish to change. i know there's pros and cons to changes but i think the sudden change in me is seriously freaking me out! i've never really talk that openly to people in school before. i've never been like what i am now, talking loudly, messaging in school and even wanting to get attention from friends sometimes. i think i've turn myself into a freak! this change in me is scaring the wits out of me and i don't understand why either. I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE AND I DON'T WISH TO CHANGE! I WANT MY OLD SELF BACK! i want the nerdy me! it just totally suit my image and i want it back now! i've been slacking alot and i feel uneasy about it. i've been spending alot and i feel bad about it. teng, too, thinks that i've changed alot since i've entered JC and i find the change kind of bad. it's good in that it helps me communicate with the people around me better. but it's bad because it's freaking me out and i find weird about it. seriously, i need someone to talk to me and i know that suitable candidate would be JET HAN KUN DING!!! argh!
and yes! i know these few days i've been getting irritated easily. PMS i guess. haha. i've been saying a lot of "shut up" to people which i think is rude. i didn't mean it. it just came out so naturally from my mouth that i didn't realised i've used it until the conversation between me and the party ended. i'm such a mean person! i should just stop using that word and eliminate it from my dictionary of words. it's not going to help me in future. i've got to stop it once and for all and i'm determined! yosh!
well, i'm ending this post here. i know i've been updating quite a bit recently. jet's busy and i've got no one to consult to, so this is my last resort into talking things out with myself. haha. i know it's weird. but it's my style. haha. gtg now! bye!
i am mean. i know.
dear faeriefable
nothing much really happened in this week. it's somehow a reflective week for some of people in school, including myself. well, life and death can be very scary. it's like any moment, anyone might just leave you anytime. it just makes me feel so scared thinking about it. but ironically, i've been thinking about it these few days, ever since i sense some emotional mood swings from some of my classmates and read about the reason to it. well, life and death is something you can't predict so just cherish what who you've got now. it must been too shocking a news for yuheng. hope he can take it easy. cheer up, man! haha :P
i went to the airport to study these few weekends. and yes, i'm super daring this time to actually stayed over at the airport to study with them. unfortunately, it wasn't very productive. i dozed a few times and got caught by yu heng and miao ying for smiling while sleeping. i feel so embarrassed! haha. but it's ok. that just shows that i had a sweet dream but i can't remember what the dream was. i didn't even think i was dreaming! haha. luckily, i didn't talk in my sleep or i'm be hiding myself from them for now on. haha.
mum and pa weren't very happy that i went to the airport to stay over. but they allowed me. i feel kind of bad not listening to them when i know that it's all for my own good. maybe this is what people call as angst. i'm an angsty girl i guess. haha. (do they even have the word "angsty"? haha.) the stay over was a terrible one for me! my head was splitting and it wasn't really functioning properly, so i didn't really do much work there. but at least i got my PI done there and went to watch the planes at the runway. we (me, yuheng and miao ying) attempted to catch the meteor rain at the airport but we failed terribly. there was hardly a star there. haha. but i found one in the sky which is stationary. haha. man! i so want to watch a meteor rain! how could have missed it at east coast park?!?! argh!!! haha.
sunday morning, regina, rachel, moses and edwin came and studied together. it was kind of enjoyable and we had quite a lot of fun. haha. and yet again, edwin isolate himself from us. what's the problem with him! i just can't figure it out! first, he was ok hanging around with us for the first 3 months. now, he's telling us that he isn't comfortable hanging around with us! argh!!! what's the problem man! i mean we didn't do anything to him. we didn't bully him or anything. nothing serious to him at all! i starting to feel a little piss about he showing attitude and being such a uncooperative CG rep. argh! maybe i'm being mean here. but i'm just saying what i feel has to be said. no one dares to tell him all these. and he just refuse to tell us what's wrong with him. so i don't really care about him! in fact, i don't wish to talk to him like the way i talk to them others if he continues to be like this. he's really pissing me off! argh!
forget about edwin. overall, i think the airport trip was truely an experience for me. but i won't be staying over again! it's too exhausting and i don't think i can cope with my studies without sleeping. it's really draining me out. haha. after looking at me with the horrendous headache, mum doesn't allow me to stay over or go to the airport to study anymore. so i guess that was the last trip to the airport to study. i suggest that we should go somewhere else to study other than the airport. but i just can't think of anywhere else other than home sweet home. haha.
i've been slacking alot. i've got to redo my PI, research on biofuel and a whole lot of homework. plus, i can't cope with lectures especially chemistry and physics! they're a killer man! been telling myself to read up the lecture notes before hand but i'm always procrastinating, dilly dally-ing. i guess my lazy habit is still not corrected. but it's human nature to be lazy. haha. what an excuse! haha. oh, i'm trying to avoid my project partner for the moment because i haven't done anything to the biofuel project yet! i'm so dead! i've never put my msn status as "appear offline" but this time, i've got no choice. i'm pretty afraid that he'll just talk to me and ask me when will the next meeting be. haha. i feel so guilty not doing anything to the project. this project is deifinitely challenging me to be independent and be passionate of what i'm doing. it just shows that i'm not independent enough to start working on the project ever since the last meeting. i've got to start working and work myself to be the best! but this is all talk. i've got to make actions. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! haha.
i guess this is it. it's getting late now. there's school tomorrow too, so i think i better finish up my tutorials and get some sleep. gtg now! bye!
adaptation to busy MJC life
dear faeriefable
it's been quite some time since the previous entry. well, it's a busy week and i'm still trying to cope with it. but i'm hopeful that i'll be able to adapt. school's been ending pretty late and when it ends early, i'll just be wasting time slacking away. i should really change my bad habits. i should be serious about school now. somehow or rather, i still thinks that school is all fun and play like how it used to be during the PAE period. the starting of MJC life has been great but now, when it comes to the middle of the MJC life, things are getting more complexed than what i think was. more competition and more pressure. i'll just have to try my best and give my best! gambate!
i've finished watching "beautiful life" last weekend and i can't help falling in love with takuya kimura! his charm is just irresistable! oh man! i'm going all japanese all of a sudden! now i feel like learning japanese so that i can understand what he says in the show without reading the subtitles. he's just too handsome and cute! i can't stop thinking about him and can't stop looking at his photo! haha.
oh! my want-to-cut-hair feeling is coming back again! i think it's because of "beautiful life". i want to have a bob haircut but i know it'll definately not suit me. but no harm trying right? it's just the matter of fact whether it will look nice or not. haha. i'll just remain ugly all my life. i mean "ugly is the new beautiful" right now, right? haha. I WANT A MODERN BOB HAIRCUT!!!
wushu competition was on wednesday and i went to support MJC! haha. it's was so cool! i'm starting to like wushu! i know i have to be flexible and all but i'm determined to master it! haha. i want to show off my stunts to jet once i master them! haha. then i'll be able to challenge jet! tae kwon do VS wushu! this will be super duper interesting! haha. i've also made some new friends from wushu! they're nice people but sometimes i find it hard to communicate with them especially *****. i don't wish to offend her. maybe she's just being too direct. i mean sometimes her words are quite nasty to swallow. it's like she've never considered someone's feelings before she says them out. -sigh- i'll just have to bear with her. boohoo! haha.
i'm still having problems with NRP. i can't find a weekday time slot to meet the professor and my project partner. i feel so bad abandoning my partner yesterday. i was supposed to meet the professor and him for our very first meeting. but mrs lim just have to add an extra lesson after chemistry practical to go through our tutorials! argh! so in the end, school ended at 5.05pm, which is uber late! i knew i couldn't make it in time for the meeting at NTU so i called my project partner to ask whether i'm still needed there. got a disappointing "no" from him. so i ended up not going to NTU to start on the project. i'm pretty afraid that the professor will be pissed with me for all the absent meetings. man! i didn't mean for it to happen! i'll just have to find my way out this time! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
i got the workscope from the professor already. so i guess it's the start of research and hardwork now. there's still PW which, i know, will be killer. i've got a feeling that i'll have to redo it all over again. -sigh- just accept it, jo! you can do it! haha. (that was so spiritless!) I'M GOING TO SURVIVE IT ALL AND BE THE ULTIMATE SURVIVOR!!! GO GO GO, JO!!!
i've got lots of homework to clear during the weekends. gtg now! bye! ciao! sayonara! haha!
i'm a loser.
dear faeriefable
i feel so screwed up! there's like so many things left undone and i don't think i'll be able to cope! i feel so stress! i don't know what to do! i feel so sleepy and drained out! my timetable is horrendous! it's like ending school so late everyday! what's more, i still have to travel to NTU to do the biofuel project! there's just no space time for me to take a break and relax! argh!
i know i'm giving myself too much pressure. i want to meet my expectations. i don't want to disappoint myself and my parents. i'm such a loser. i can't even manage my time, let alone be able to meet my expectations and cope with homework. i feel so crappy! my brain's not functioning properly. it needs rest and sleep and i'm lacking it! i barely slept 5 hours a day ever since the permanent timetable started. i'm starting to dread going school. i don't like the chinese teacher and i don't understand what he's trying to teach me. the things that he teach are so irrelevant to the chapters. i don't know what to do!!! i want help and yet i want to be independent at the same time! what am i thinking, man! me? independent? that's totally impossible! i'm such a failure! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
i've been showing a black face the whole of today. everyone's been asking me why and i can't find the answer. i just don't like going school nowadays. i've got no one to talk to and i don't wish to talk to anyone too. i'm back to my anti-social self again. i knew this day would come and people will find me a nuisance. i don't sense class spirit and it's so monotonous during lesson time. argh! plus, i don't think i can cooperate with my project partner. we just can't settle on a right date to go back to NTU to start on the project! monday, tuesday and thursday are days when school ends late. wednesday and friday are CCA days. and the professor doesn't want to do the project on weekends! argh!!! i don't know what to do!!! i feel like screaming my hearts out and just run away from this world! i'm so not organised! i need time management guidance!!! argh!!!
