Cherish
i just found out something. and it kind of feels saddening. it's that whenever i go online, i got no websites to go to. no one to talk to. and no where to go to. i don't even know why i use the net even. it kind of feels weird knowing that you are lost and have no where to go.
just view my hotmail account, and saw the e-card that may send to me. it's nice. really touches my heart and be inspired. i'm now listening to some music. just music, no songs. no one singing just music alone itself. it's all sad. all sad. i'm sad listening to them. haha. feels so awkward now. haha.
i'm kind of addicted to the song "Cherish" by Ai Otsuka. it's nice. but the music video scares me a little. haha. "cherish" this word, really is meaningful. makes me have lots of flashbacks. haha. makes me feel that i'm always taking things for granted and not thinking about others before i do something. that's so selfish of me. i'll reflect on that. i'll be careful of what i do and try not to do anything that will hurt one's feelings. just like what i did in my previous post. i guess i hurt amy's and joanne's feelings for writing all the crap in my previous post. i'm sorry. i take back what i wrote.
i've been looking at what joyce was doing just now. she was cutting some magazines and they look nice. i'm attracted to bring colours i guess. i really love looking at pictures that have nice sceneries. it's really calming and peaceful looking at them. haha. suddenly i feel that i've grown more mature than i think am. suddenly i think i'm wiser. and suddenly i feel that i've lost the noisy me, the fun me and the dumb me. haha. i'll find it later. i somehow i like the calm and peaceful me now for a little while only. or i'll feel that i'm getting older. haha.
guess i'll end this entry with the lyrics of "Cherish"... gtg now folks. bye...
Cherish
Lyrics: Ai Music: Ai
Itsukara ka suteki na koto wa
Hitsuzen youshite dokoka wo ushinatta
Kokoro no tsunagari ni obiete
Karada de ume youtoshita
Fuan wo gomakashita
Sonna mainichi no naka de
Anata wa mou atashi no
Kokoro no naka ni ita
*Moshimo futari fukaku omoete
Itsuka koko de toki wo oetemo
Zutto atashi anata wo aishite
Te wo nobashiteru to omoeta no
Aijou wa nante kowai mono
Dakara nigetari motomeru
Otona datoka kodomo datoka
Nou kankei nai yo
Marude hatsukoi mitai
Unmei dato omoeru kurai
Daki aeba kanjiru
Kore hodo ni nai yume goro
Moshimo futari deae nakereba
Konna fuu ni warae nakatta
Kotoshi ichiban shiawase na no wa
Anata no soba ni ireta koto
*Repeat
get well soon, ah gong.
Finally the weekend is here. At least can relax a bit. In fact, I’ve been relaxing for the whole week. Feels weird not having any exams for the whole week. Guess I’m quite used to the life the school has wanted us to adapt to, which is to have exams almost everyday of the week. i'm happy for jet. he got his broadband just today. so that means he can go online and chat with me while i can do plenty of things while chatting with him. haha. sounds so fun!!! haha.
i'm worried about ah gong. he just had a fit recently. and he can't walk now. i'm scared that he leave us... choy choy. touch wood. -slaps mouth- he has to sit on the wheelchair. i'm very worried about him. and it's not very convinient for my family to go to the "uncle" house. i shan't talk about him. he's such a loser. i really hate him and his wife especially his wife. she's the evil one. the one who doesn't know what filial piety is. the one who will get her retribute when her sons get married and leave her all alone. argh!!! ah gong is really very sick. he has swollen cheeks and he's eyes have turned very small. i'm really very sad, really very sad. i just so wish all of us can go back in time when i was just a child and that he was happy staying with us and looking after us so happily. he looks so radiant at that time. full of energy. maybe after he stayed with the "uncle", there was nothing for him to do and that he was sitting in his room doing nothing, dazing and dreaming. and that he was very bored. my teacher tells me that once an elder feels lonely for a long time, illness will come. IT'S ALL HIS FAULT!!! what son is he!!! he has no rights to be his son. he doesn't even pay for his hospital bills and kept asking money from ah gong and just throw him a side like that. i feel so sad for ah gong. i really hate him. i really really despise him alot. i just hope that ah gong will stay with us now. at least there is someone who can look after him and that my family is very noisy so that he will feel the family warmth here. in addition, ying is also around to entertain ah gong anytime. AH GONG, PLEASE COME STAY WITH US!!! i know there isn't enough rooms for him to sleep. maybe all the children can sleep in the living room and we will return his room to him. everything sounds so wrong in reality. it's not what i want. this reality is not what i want. i want to the wish to turn to a reality. i really do. ah gong, please be well. you've endured so long. please be well. please be well. please be well...
there is something that has always been in my mind for quite a long time. and i have discussed it with jet yesterday on the phone. well, i dunno if joanne and amy are reading my blogs. i don't even think that there is someone reading my blog. and that this blog of mine has always been my world and my thoughts, feelings, and fantasy. so i'll just say whatever i feels. it's this thing that has been bugging me everytime i'm going out with the cousins. i feel extra. i really feel extra. amy and joanne. jet, ah xiang and ah boy. cindy and teng. me? where am i? stranded somewhere. when there is a place for me to stand then i stand. and when there isn't, i'll just stand aside and is being left out. i'm jealous yet i dunno what i'm jealous of. yes, i do talk to jet often on the phone. in fact, we are very close. but when it comes to family gathering, there's other people that jet wants to hang out other than me. there's ah xiang and ah boy to hang out with him. and everytime they talk is about online games which i'm not interested. yes, i know i'm in the group of joanne and amy. but they are close to each other that i dunno what position i am in when i'm with them. i feel extra when they talk about things that i don't really know. i'm still not as mature as them and i'm really expose to the outside world yet. but they have. the things they say doesn't click in my mind. i'll be like: "huh? what are they saying?" and i'll just sit aside and listen to them talk between themselves. just a listener.
the gathering on my birthday. i've been thinking about it since that day about the conversation among me, joanne and amy. i remember something like this.
jo: last time i more close to da jie one.
amy: ya. last time i more close to joyce.
jo: ya. then dunno when we all become very close liao.
amy: i think is because da jie never gather with us very often and joyce also.
jo: ya, then jojo you last time is with who one?
me: -speechless-
jo: you like time is with me one right?
me: i think so.
see. get what i mean now? i dunno who i'm with. but one thing i know is that i'm always with the cousins. and that they are always with me. i somehow feel that the things that i say is like the cousins have break into different cliques. NO. they have not. they are united. they are bonded. they are together as one. maybe i'm thinking too much. maybe i'm being over-sensitive about it. i'm always having random thoughts. haha.
ok so jet is playing maple now. such a boring game after playing for a long while. i know he won't agree with me to that. and he'll never be. so wholehearted to the game. hai. boys are like this. got back some results and i didn't really do well for some especially my combined humanities. gosh, i'm so bad at humanities. my strong subject is still math. haha. ah boy didn't do well for his CAs too. got quite a scolding from mum just now when she looked through the papers. haha. good luck to him then. haha. we'll work hard together. we'll graduate happily. haha.
ok i gtg now. thinking of cutting my hair but i dunno what style yet. shall do some research before i really make my final decision. haha. ok gtg now!!! bye!!!
screwed yet unscrewed
celebrated my birthday recently. this is the only year that i ate so many cakes in a week. celebrated with my cousins and my friends. was excited at first. but it turn up to so screwed on my birthday itself until i celebrated with my cousins. haha.
well, i had steamboat with them and was very full. and they even gave me a surprise. haha. they told me that they did not buy me a cake. but my dad really bought me a cake to bring it over to my aunt's house. when teng ask me whether the cake in the fridge is the cousin buy one, i said :" no it was papa buy one. and i bought it over to celebrate together." but i didn't know that the cake that she was referring to was really a cake that the cousins bought for me. haha. so touching. it was a mango ice cream cake. must have cost them a lot. thanks guys!!! sorry to make you burn a hole in your pocket. i really love it!!! Love you guys lots!!!
actually, i had a bad day in school on the day of my birthday. melissa was pissing me off. and may cried because she did the physics practical wrongly. and i didn't finish my practical either. ferena was rubbing it even more into melissa's "jokes". sometimes i really can't tolerate melissa anymore and i just want to scold her. but i'm not very confident of doing that cos i scared that it will make relations between her even rough and she talks better than me so i'm afraid that i won't be able to talk back to her. yup. so melissa, if you are reading this. please be inform that i have my limitation to my tolerance for you so don't piss me off.
oh! at the end of school on my birthday, sihui passed me this little card made by shengjie. it says: "hey josephine! you are cordially invited to your own birthday party." i was so shocked. i wasn't sure what they are up to but this is really something quite surprising as they never tried that before in the previous birthday girls that we celebrated with. haha. good job guys. good idea. haha. so on the 18th of feburary, i had flag day with shengjie, sijie and sabrina. and i managed to finish all the stickers!!! woohoo!!! it was so hot that day. the weather was really not on our side. i was like perspiring like hell and got seperated with sijie. saw some primary school friends but was afraid to say hello to them. after flagday, we went to eat at mac's and got another surprise from sijie, sabrina and shengjie. they actually bought a piece of cake for me. so sweet of them! i thought what were they doing when i was seperated with them. no wonder, they got seperated with me. they went to buy that piece of cake. haha. after that, i went home with shengjie and rested and bath. then left for the "birthday party". meet up with shengjie first than the rest of the gang (siying, sihui, wanyuan, peckhong, brina, calister and eunice). wanted to eat at cafe cartel but there wasn't enough tables for us. so we went to pasta mania. but they same goes for there. in the end, we went to swensen. had fish and chips. was really delicious. then they bought in the birthday cake!!! was really touch by that. but i really know the same old tricks already. haha. didn't fool me this time. haha. then they sang the birthday song and i cut the cake. it was really hard. and it was a OREO ICE CREAM CAKE!!! oh my, so nice!!! haha. then we went to take neoprints after that and left home after walking for a while. really had a great night that day. oh! and they gave me a billabong wallet which is so cool!!! i know my wallet very old lah. but i like what. haha. and they also gave me a cup which is so cute and sweet. haha. now i can use that to drink milo. haha.
today is teng's birthday. actually wanted to treat her to a delifrance meal or something like that. but in the end, mum says she wants to buy her pizza instead. so i never treat her today. i shall treat her tomorrow or the day after. haiya. will treat her soon. maybe i can bring her to swensen to eat too. haha. i feel so guilty not giving her something for her birthday. cos she always does give me one when it's my birthday. so much for being the "kind" sis. haha.
well, i'll thinking of cutting my hair soon. have to do some research firts before i really decide on what hairstyle i want. shengjie got her hair cut so short. but it looks nice on her. shengjie, stop pressing your hair down. it does not look that bad lah. it's nice. maybe i'll cut a jap style hair. then i can be more like my handsome idol, takuya kimura... haha.
ok i gtg now!!! bye!!! and thanks guys for what you have done for me. i really love them!!! thanks!!! gtg now!!! bye!!!
BIRTHDAY GIRL
i'm in a happy mood today!!! haha. guess why? haha. today i finally realised how much my friends really cared about me. how much my friends really know me. they actually remembered it. i'm really happy that they remembered! i'm really touched by their actions today. i think this year i will not have a lonely bday like any other years. and i think it will be the most memorable one ever. i just can't help resist smiling to myself. they make me happy.
so have you guess why am i happy now? yup. it's my birthday tmr!!! haha. this year shall be a totally different birthday that i ever had in my teenage life. it will be an unforgettable one. i'm also going to celebrate it with my cousins in the afternoon tmr. isn't it great? haha. i just can't wait till tmr!!! just another 22 more minutes and it's tmr already. haha.
just been on the phone with jet. chatted for a while. later i think he is going to countdown with me to my birthday!!! woohoo!!! haha. i find that both my cousins and my friends are all sweet people. love you guys so much!!! thanks for everything!!! and i appreciate what you guys have done and will do... wonder what you guys are up to??? haha... shall see what it is about tmr... haha. i really understand the importance of them now... they make my life a fulfilling one. and make me live the fullest in my every day life... thanks you guys!!! i love you!!!
ok this entry is rather short cos jet will be calling in another 5 minutes time!!! haha... can't wait!!! i'm so excited!!! haha. gtg now!!! bye!!!
the past
it's been a long time since i blogged. been quite busy lately. lots of exams coming in the way. well, many things have happened in the past few weeks that i didn't blogged. i'll just update on those that are quite memorable to me.
hmmm... let me think. on the 27 of january, i went to watch i not stupid too with siying they all. well, the show is very touching and funny at the same time. one of the movies that i like. it really says out how i communicate with my parents. and how my parents sometimes behaviour to each other. there's this part when Tom's parents quarrelled and did not talk to one another which affect Tom and jerry. they started to ask their children to pass messages to each other although they are just beside one another. this is also what my parents do when they quarrel with one another. and i don't like it. being the middleman is a tough job. it's like being squash between 2 fat people in the bus when it is crowded. get what i mean? haha. well, i cried watching that show. not really cry but when i watch the movie, i really touches my heart and my tears just rolled down. at the same time, i also laughed alot while watching it. haha. really love this show. i think i would buy the cd when they come out. feel like watching it the second time. haha.
a few days ago, guess what happened? something that you will not believe. something that you may laugh but also worries you too. ok. so the thing is that Ying went to put something really small into her nose. and that small thing is from her waterbottle. at first, ah boy and i didn't believe her cos she always say nonsense. after that, she started sneezing and sneezing. and she keep having running nose so we went to take a touch light to check her nose and that small little thing is in it and very deep. we keep asking her to blow it out until her nose all red. in the end, mum and papa took her to the hospital and take it out. they went to SGH first but there got no specialist on this cases so they went to KK hospital and waited there for a very long time. then finally it's their turn, Ying didn't wanted to cooperate with the doctor and the doctor was very rough to her which made her nose bleed. then they change another doctor and she was more gentle than the previous one. she jabbed Ying and she went unconcious with her eyes open. then mum was so scared. then the doctor finally took it out from her nose. mum and papa both didn't sleep that night cos it happened at around tne plus in the night and they came back the next morning. haix. finally it's over! haha.
then on 3rd feburary, my class had a trip to pulau semakua. really had a great time there. we sat on this cruise and went to the rubbish dump island of singapore. and it's not what you will expect there. it's really very beautiful at some places. it's not smelly and there's lots of plants there. took lots of photos there too... maybe i'll put it up someday. haha. have to ask weeling to send the photos to me. haha.
oh. and the O'levels results was out yesterday and i went to see how it was in the hall. the ex sec 4 graduates were jumping, screaming, crying etc when they saw their results. i'm really very nervous when the time comes for me. this made me even more worried for my O's. well, joanne was very upset for her results and the gundo me did know that she was very upset and ask her in the sms whether she cried or not and she never replied me. then mum heard from ah yi that she cried and was very dissapointed. how she's well now. joanne, take it easy. we will be there for you. don't worry, ok?
my stomach's hurting now. i dunno why. just went to the toilet not long. i think i need to go again later. haix... lots of exams. need to study alot now. there will be 6 upcoming exams for next week. hope i do well. didn't expect my a-math CA to fail and ended up to be in the remedial for a whole semester. i better do well in the mid-year exam. but being in the remedial helps me to revise so why not? haha. must think of the positive side mah. haha. tiffany has made a new blog and i think it's pretty nice. hope she doesn't abandon it again just like she did to her previous blog
S... haha... it's http://jesusismyman.blogspot.com ... have a look over there!!! haha... tiffany, i help to promote your blog leh. i'm keeping comission hor. haha.
ok i gtg now. bye!!! take it easy, sis. ok? ok gtg now!!! bye!!!
